Sunday, November 7, 2010

This may be the last time...

Hi everyone,

I'm sorry that I haven't been updating as much as I used to. I've been busy trying to repair a very broken life. Don't lose faith in me to return soon with some real rock n' roll, but for now I'm taking a break to sort some personal business out.

I'll let Greg Cartwright do the rest of the talking...

Friday, September 17, 2010

I feel like watchin' videos tonight

Vince Taylor - Shakin' all over

The Cramps - The way I walk

Misfits - Hybrid moments

The Damned - Love song

Two Star Tabernacle - Itchy

Flash & The Memphis Casuals - Uptight tonight


Tuesday, August 31, 2010


Hey guys, today's post isn't music, unless the sound of electric bolt guns, moaning, yelping, and things of that nature are considered music to your ears. As a reader of this blog, I should hope not, unless we're talking about awesome, racket making bands like The Coachwhips. I like to imagine you all as cool, artistic folks, that believe in love and shit like that.

(I couldn't embed this, so you'll have to follow the link)

I don't even know how I stumbled on this, as I hadn't even heard of it, but I thought that it might be good for everyone to watch. Of course, if you have a weak stomach I don't advise you to see this at all.

Because I fancy myself to be a good guy, this affected me a little, but was it enough for me to stop doing certain things that I do? Stop wearing certain things I wear? If it is going to happen, it's not going to be overnight.

This, much like my Last minutes with Odin video post a while back, did this weird, hypnotism thing where I was compelled, with no ability to stop, to hug my dogs so tightly that I might've made their eyes pop out. Animals. I. Love. You. and. I'm. Sorry.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Sonic Chicken 4

France... the birthplace of striped shirts, people who eat frog legs, and mimes. Well, what do you know? There's a garage rock scene too! Hoooo-rah!

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Always the bridesmaid... a singles series.

Click here for less pee in yer knickers

I've been a fan of this hyper-literate Portland based band for a long time and while I wasn't thrilled with their last full length "The Hazards of love" I absolutely adore this batch of tunes that was released in a set of three vinyl albums. Buy them all because the cover art is well done and you will always be okay if you pull one out of the sleeve and place it on your turn table right before making love to a sweet lass who smells of apricot and sadness. Her eyes will be wetter than the sea for you... and the happiness you shower down upon her will nudge her toward her blossom.

Some people will not like this band simply because they either don't enjoy the singers vocal delivery or because they just can't understand lyrics like:

You had a charming air
All cheap and debonair
My widowed mother found so sweet
And so she took you in
Her sheets still warm with him
Now filled with filth and foul disease
As time wore on you proved
A debt-ridden drunken mess
Leaving my mother
A poor consumptive wretch
(oh, oh)


Who killed Captain Alex = Serious Business

This is the trailer for Uganda's very first action movie. As you can see, the special effects are top notch and the fight choreography is nothing short of brilliant.

I showed this to a Ugandan friend and all he could say was...

Alalalalala ACTION!!!!!

PS. ... more tunes to come.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Advice number 337

Own the room... or at least your own private part of it.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Beef Bologna is serious business!

Here's the back story... I saw this whatever year it was released and must've instantly forgotten about it, but...

the song "beef bologna" somehow became embedded in my psyche im the absolute worst way. I could be at the dentist in 1989 and I was singing the tune... in line at the DMV and there I am... beef bologna. Until tonight, it never dawned on me that I live in a day and age where I could google shit up.

Since we're taking a trip down memory lane... Salvatore... I'm glad I launched you off of that porch and your face bled the whole way down you fuckin' bully piece of shit.

And since we're just sitting around talking... ladies of the world, please try to make your man feel loved and interesting. It really blows when everyone else can see it but you.

I'm always against the goddamned wall, but I'll make sure it never falls.

Sandwitches and sad cake

Click here to get the shells back

People will say things like this band reminds them of Velvet Underground... 60's girl groups... and all other music journalist descriptionary laziness, but honestly, this is a pretty good album from a trio of bay area beauties. There isn't any ground being broken here, but it's a comfortable listen and hopefully listening to this will get you to support their future efforts.

One of the ladies in this band was once romantically linked to Tim Cohen of the Fresh & Onlys. That's probably good enough for most people right there...

The fiery tears of St. Laurent

Click here for milky magic

Oh, what's this? Another 7" release by everyones favorite Indian male? And he's brought a new friend along too? Well, sign me up!

Here's a nice little tribute to a man who decided not to turn away from Jesus... and paid the price. That took some balls dude. Balls. Not sure if it's true, but shooting stars are also known as the fiery tears of Saint Laurent. Nice.

Agent Ribbons and the star crossed doppelganger

Click here for the shank deflector

Not too long ago I enlightened a few folks by introducing them to Agent Ribbons, a band I learned about while trying to get Camera Obscura tickets. Well, it just so happened that Agent Ribbons was the opener for a lot of those shows.

Their debut record, "On time travel and romance" was an absolute gem from start to finish and still remains in VERY heavy rotation at Robot Manor. I hope that those friends of mine who heard it have gone out and gone to one of their shows and hopefully picked up some of their merch as well... they deserve it because they're a sweet bunch and they write fan-fucking-tastic songs!!!

Anyway, they've got a new record coming out soon called "Chateau Crone" and rumor has it that the vinyl is gonna be pretty nifty! Make sure you get out there and buy that or else I'll have to drop by your house... yeah, your house...

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Service announcement # 836

Okay, shoot me. I know I haven't been posting too many albums lately and I've got good reason. It's called being busy and right now I'm busier than I've ever been before. Well, not as busy as when I spent that summer as *Jocelyn Wildenstein's plastic surgeon, but it's a close race.

In no particular order I'd like to offer a description of the lovely life of the robot...

Got a promotion at work. I am now the underboss. I work 600 million hours per week. I am not stressed. It's a natural thing. I was recently verbally attacked by a homosexual man in a patent leather, sleeveless shirt. He was mad that his $700.00 sunglasses were broken by another patron. It was 8:00 at night. I wanted to ask why he needed sunglasses when it was dark outside? He was lame, but apparently in the world of hair stylists and sleeveless clothing, he is an important figure. His shirt had designs that suggested that he was a high ranking official in some sort of military division. His shirt was a terrible liar. I held in my laughter knowing his glasses were actually broken by someone else as they walked by and kicked them after they had fallen to the ground. Ouch. Is there some sort of medicine to to prevent being a clueless moron? Yes you say? Well, I'll have a case of it!

I do not respect sunglasses at night. It's a lame thing to do and it is so overly unimpressive that it can only be compared to a heavyset and emotionally disturbed young woman doling out hand jobs in an alleyway for hot dog money. Maybe that's harsh?
Anyway, don't wear sunglasses at night because nothing is worse than trying too hard... and trust me, everybody knows when you're trying too hard. Only secrecy and a bashful politeness stop them from telling you.

What else? I protected a very scared man from getting his ass kicked by another guy on a train station platform tonight. I told him to stand behind me and not to worry. I didn't even really know why someone wanted to hurt him. I just knew that in the event of danger, my moustache would transform into an army of cranky ninjas and tear shit up. It's happened before, but due to government secrecy it was reported as the 1994 Northridge quake. Damn this shadowy existence of mine.

I know other things have been going on... but instead of me telling you, look into the following "googleable" things that have floated my boat over the past month or so:

1. Dr. McNinja
2. Nerve City
3. Asiago cheese
4. Naked Juice: Gold Machine
5. Bicycling
6. Wanting to pleasure myself, but not doing it. Not really.

Okay kids, see ya soon!

*Here you go. See how busy I was?

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Shitstorm: Table for one

There is a very bad moon rising right now.

Update 6-4-2010:

Monday, May 31, 2010


Click here for good grass

Now, here's a little Detroit grown folk-pop masterpiece that was completely overlooked upon its release. Of course Rodriguez has always had a core group of followers, but while the Dylan's of the world became iconic, Rodriguez always came off like the drunk dude at the end of the bar. His presence started becoming known among todays kids when the Fresh & Onlys backed him on his 2009 tour.

Fun fact: After quitting the business, he had no idea that he went platinum in South Africa until his daughter found a write up on the internet.

Funner fact: Television's Mr. Rogers wore those cardigans to cover up a bunch of forearm tattoos he got while in the service. He has fuck New York written on his chest.

Disclaimer: I made up the part about his chest, but at least I succeeded at making you, a grown dude, think about an old mans chest. Ewww!

*She's only been awake and talking to me for less than five minutes and already I've been asked about why I didn't do this or do that etc; -Fuck. Boys, be careful who you may not be what they want.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Announcement # 458

If I could give any particular advice... it would be to make a splash wherever you go. It shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks as long as you conduct yourself in a good manner. Do the right things and don't worry about waiting for thanks to come. As long as you feel good about yourself, don't worry about the naysayers... they'll come around. If they don't? Well... they'll just spend their years saying nay.

Also, it feels terrible to feel forgotten.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Up the bracket!
Click here for Merkin consultation

I was just digging around my records the other day and I gave this one a listen. It holds up pretty well. If you never had a chance to listen to this band and your only knowledge of them comes via Pete Doherty's crack use and celebrity status... this was before all that. Well, maybe not the crack.

Enjoy Up the Bracket by The Libertines!

Videos of the week! The SF Edition

Agent Ribbons - Amoeba SF

Vivian Girls - Amoeba SF

Rodriguez (backed by the Fresh & Onlys - Amoeba SF

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Summer's here... right?

And now, for absolutely no reason at all, here's a photograph of one of my daughters and I walking around a park. She's one of the apples of my eye, but this photo also looks like an action shot of a kidnapper at work. Being a daddy is awesome!

Window Twins

Click here to improve your heckle.

Tim Cohen of the Fresh & Onlys and Jon Bernson of Black Fiction/ Ray's Vast Basement teamed up to form the Window Twins and release the album I am This Tall City.

I feel the need to state right away that this album in no way sounds like a F&O record. It actually sounds like The Two Sides of Tim Cohen LP released earlier his year. So, if you're into that sort of thing, you're going to love this, make your own diy t-shirt and impress your friends with your musical prowess. For me however, I'd like a bit less tinkering and a lot more guitar, but that's only because I'm a supporter of leather jackets, switchblades, and pinball machines.

If any of you bought the "In the Clouds" San Francisco compilation, you may have been totally enamored with a song from the Exray's called "Everything goes." That's Bernson's new stuff. By the way, your mom called and I told her you might be seeing your teacher. She just told me to make sure you get an A.

Also, this is not the album cover. However, I'd like to imagine Tim Cohen is pictured at right.

The Sound of Fury
Click here for that good guano.

The English call a bathroom a loo, cigarettes "fags", and have kings and queens instead of presidents. They also created their own version of Elvis and his name was Billy Fury. Hey, Elvis was referred to as the "King" so I guess our friends across the pond aren't too different from us at all. Put on this album whilst enjoying a pint and chant "Thank you... thank you very much" in a British accent as you shake your hips. You'll feel alright tonight!

Sunday, May 9, 2010

So fuckin' lame...


This sucks. This is what the old Jack White would've had nightmares about.

Shit, if you can make it through the whole video and leave a comment, man... I'd like to hear about it, because this sucks so bad that I couldn't imagine someone else listening to it the whole way through without having been promised something.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

True Love

Last Minutes with ODEN from phos pictures on Vimeo.

When I first saw this video I had to hug my two dogs. If you don't have a dog... well, today is a good time to start thinking about adopting. Not. Buying. ADOPTING.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Shoot em' up

Every once in a while, you're bound to have an unorthodox kind of day. It's probably the result of some cosmic lottery that we're too poor to buy tickets for, who knows, right? Anyway, yesterday was one of those days for me. For starters, it was my day off from work and like any American man, I had hoped to take care of some errands and then slay a bottle of something strong. My, how plans change I tell ya...

I got a telephone from one of the fabulous ladies that make up my department telling me that they were short staffed and asking if I could come in. Of course I gladly accepted because I have this really weird hyper-dedication thing when it comes to what I do for a living. Anyway, after being there for a little while, it seemed as though it would be a regular, run of the mill afternoon. That is until two representatives of the Worst Losers in America Club decided to make their afternoon mine.

Our first interaction was short, but poignant. There they were, prime examples of pure crust punk awkwardness in all of their barefoot glory. I had gotten word that there were people asking for money and as an earner of my money... I went to stop it. I approached them and explained that shoes were important and unless there was a pool, puddle, stream, river, ocean, masseuse, or foot worship convention within twenty five feet of our conversation... they'd have to be respectable, don some combat boots or whatever and not be barefoot in the lobby of an active building.

"I'm gonna be a rock star... rags to riches!" proclaimed the male crusty with his eyes almost closed and a sense of balance akin to one of those inflatable boxing clowns that never falls down. "Yeah!" said his female friend with similar eyes and teeth that would make a dentist faint because they can't possibly teach that shit in American dental schools. Regardless of the nonsensical answers they provided, they shuffled off looking high as hell. Also, they smelled like a dirty basement. Really... I used to have a basement and it was filthy so I know.

Now, before any defenders of crust punks hop out of the woodwork to stick up for freedom, punk rock, or anything else... just don't. I was homeless and on every drug the world has seen between the years of thirteen and sixteen and not once did I decide to fail as hard as these two.

Hours passed and then I got the 911 call. All I knew is that there was a man down. Nothing else. I responded as fast as I possibly could and upon my arrival I actually wasn't shocked to see the "rags to riches" kid laying unmoving on the floor, totally blue, not breathing, unmoving. Basically, for all intensive purposes... dead. His female tooth model friend was in hysterics, but obviously high out of her mind. To her credit, she did call 911, so that was impressive. As I walked toward the boy, she began to give him the most awkward CPR I'd ever seen. I was glad she was doing it though because anything helps I guess.

I got her out of the way and gave it all I had in me... but because these two looked so diseased and "AIDSY" I made her blow into his mouth while I did the chest compressions. This lasted over two and a half minutes, but it was worth it... I think.
Something told me that this kid was going to die soon whether or not it was with me in the room.

When he came to, the first thing he muttered was a quiet "fuck you" to me and then he mentioned to the arriving paramedics that he was "gonna be a rock star."

His girl was then arrested for possession and so was he after they were released from the hospital. Awesome times kids! Remember: drugs are super cool. They will make every minute of life appear more glamorous*

UPDATE 5/8/10:
I saw the OD kid on the train today while heading to work. As I sat there writing in my notebook (secret stuff about rockets and shit) I could feel him looking at me so I glanced in his direction. All I could see was hatred in his eyes. Pure, undiluted hate. I paid him no mind because I was done with him. I had already filed the incident away as all in a days work, but not him. Nope. It was obvious to me that he hated me because I let him live and now he had to live the same self imposed nightmare he'd been living prior to our chance meeting. As he stared I could feel his gaze, but instead of looking over and asking him what the fuck he was looking at, I just sat there writing in my book (again, super secret stuff about rockets and stuff)

Later in the day I thought about his angry, bloodshot eyes and you know what? If I see him again I think I'll ask him what the fuck he's looking at? If he's brave enough to answer, which I doubt... I'm going to make sure he never looks at me again because in my head, a guy like that with no hope on the horizon, could easily try to stab me or some shit. I haven't asked, but I'm pretty sure my two daughters would set fire to a major city if I was ever hurt. Love... it's stronger than dirt.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Videos of the week!

Billy Fury - I think you're swell

Ty Segall - I'm so alone

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Reigning Sound and Mary Weiss

At one point in her career she was the main mouth for the Shangri-La's, but then she spent many a quiet year inventing new styles of hand to hand combat that she would eventually teach to armies all around the world. Don't worry your pretty little face... she only schooled the good guys.

Anyway, after she grew tired of perfecting her "3 million ways to kill a person" manual, she had a beer with Greg Cartwright of the Reigning Sound. This album is what they came up with the next morning.*

*I also have a nice bridge in Brooklyn to sell if you're interested.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

After a non-stop listening to every single Wu Tang record ever made...

I decided to start my own rap supergroup. I'm (pictured in red plaid) not so sure it'll be a hit.

On a side note... what the fuck am I doing there anyway?
Maybe I thought it was a bar?

PS. T shirt wars are real. Make sure you have enough rations to get you through them.

PPS. Up yours.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Happy April!

Getting old isn't like what they show you on TV. It isn't the old dude with the "Hoveround" jetting across the Grand Canyon or Bernice trying to catch up... it's far slower.

It's like suddenly you wake up and your hair is beginning to show signs of change. Fortunately I'm not on the balding team. My hair is that of a lion... from Puerto Rico.
Curly hair may make the chicks say "ooh wow" but it ain't no easy dog to train.

Overnight I sprouted about twelve grey hairs. The weirdest part is that they are so overly noticeable. A young gal once said it looked gallant. She was right.

Beside that, getting older is like a reversed irony sucker punch. You start sporting a mustache because it's funny and then all of a sudden you start spelling it "moustache" and the whole world sings along with you. I don't actually spell it that way mind you. Although honestly, I can't sip a drink in a room without someone granting mine a compliment. How weird is that?

Maybe getting old is looking like a sketchy Uncle or the worlds bestest friend evarrrr?

Either way, it's still good to know that getting old means that you can laugh at kids in leather pants, dudes with stretched out earlobes, Hip Hop cats with fly kicks, chinese character tats, Aviator glasses, and pasta... (what? It makes you fat)

Fresh & Onlys are selling Vanishing cream to fund the war against Invisible Forces.

The Fresh & Onlys - Vanishing Cream from EyeBodega on Vimeo.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Thee Oh Sees Live!

Click here for wetter stamps

Courtesy of the technologically advanced, fine fellows over at NYC Taper, you now have the chance to hear a fantastic quality show by San Fran's favorite rockers. There isn't much else to say here because if you're here to begin with then you already know the deal. There are a few songs from the upcoming Warm Slime record too.

By the way, you should visit the NYC Taper site for loads of gems, but make sure you ask permission to redistribute because you don't want to be like me and get in trouble. Then, all of a sudden you'll start hanging around the wrong crowd, wearing leather, spitting at mirrors, and breaking pinball machines with your fists.

Again...NYC Taper I'm sorry I didn't follow the rules. Let's be friends. With the exception of my penchant for riding my bike inside of peoples apartments I'm a swell guy.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Belle & Sebastian think you walk as a peasant does.

Click here to follow the bus happily.

When this record first surfaced, I was living in New York. It was an early time and I had just taken the hand of a fair maiden. Life was good and then on one fateful day, I picked this record up at a place called Other Music. After getting it home and playing it in full for the fair maiden mentioned above, it was obvious that this would remain in heavy rotation. Years later this same sentiment still rings true.

Here's the video for the song "I fought in a war."

Before you press play, you must realize that this isn't just any ordinary piece of music. This is actually a rare instance of pure, expertly played material. You have to be open to it if this is your first listen and for God's sake, please be ready to take in the little things...

You should notice how when Stuart Murdoch first opens his mouth to sing, there isn't so much as a peep from the thousands strong audience after an initial whoop and holler. A rare feat indeed. It's like an angel opened it's mouth.


Click here for that sock to magically appear.

The husband and wife in this band live in Chicago. They enjoy quality Rock N' Roll. They started a record label called Trouble In Mind that has put out 7" records by Ty Segall, Fresh & Onlys, and Sonic Chicken 4.

If you're married, what did you do today? Take out the family dog to pee? Jesus, you're such an underachiever. Damn.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

The White Stripes: Under Great White Northern Lights - Review.

Rating: 4 out of 5 peppermint candies.

So, tonight I watched the new White Stripes movie, Under Great White Northern Lights, and all I can say is that I was left feeling a little cold and unfulfilled. That isn't to say that it's a bad film by any means. In fact, it's just the opposite. In 92 minutes director Emmet Malloy manages to capture tons of beautiful scenery and dozens of candid moments between the supposed siblings that once shared a house as husband and wife. For the uninitiated this may be a bit too ramshackle and for the die hard fan it may make you feel as though you've waiting too long for too little. (I really did enjoy it... promise.)

Saturday, March 20, 2010

A special video post dedicated to Makers Mark.

Today's post is dedicated to April from Makers Mark whisky who singlehandedly restored my faith in customer service. Coincidentally, she also cemented the fact that I enjoy drinking far too much. It's okay... booze makes me funnier... and more pretty. Yeah.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Des Roar - Mad Things

                       Click here for bermuda shorts

I've written about this band a dozen times since starting this blog. Coincidentally, I've drank about one hundred bottles of cheap liquor. The total is probably way more, but tonight I'm inclined to be modest. I could sit here and tell you that this is the greatest band in the world. I could also confess that each bottle has been a 1.75 liter, but I won't. I'm not here to bullshit you. I'm an honest man when it comes to this sort of thing. It's the only way to be. The truth is what I'm tellin' and I ain't tellin' no lie.

Des Roar makes the kind of music that makes people drink and have a good time. Whether you're fucking, fighting, kissing, or playing pinball. Whatever you wanna do, baby... it's fine. This shit is pretty good... where'd you get it?

In a time where so many bands are being "different" it's refreshing to hear a group that is delivering straightforward Rock n' Roll. It's all guitar and drums here folks. There's even a few boy/ girl harmonies thrown in. The handclaps are free too. Grab your beers. Get your boards. Call that chick and set up some bang time. This is the record that'll get you by tonight. It's right.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

The Good Things!

I didn't add the 5th video because it's the end credits where you see their real faces. I couldn't let that happen because these creatures are real, actual magical creatures. Not humans. La la la la la la la laaaaaaa.....

Ohrobot's greatest favorites of all time collection: Dinosaur Jr. - You're living all over me

                         Click here for red danglers.

I don't remember what the actual year was when this came out, but I remember that I had gotten hold of a cassette copy. I'd sit in my room and keep switching from side A to side B all night long. Now, I don't follow what the kids say these days and I'm not sure if J. and Lou are relevant anymore, but I'll be damned if I don't take this moment to say that this may be one of the greatest records ever made.

The song "Poledo" is arguably the best tape pause/ record moment in the history of taping. It's like purposely inviting demons in for lunch.

Enjoy You're living all over me and while you're at it... pretend the two of us are riding bicycles in the park. I'll buy you a lollie.

I'd like to welcome... me!

Hi there! I'd just like to inform everyone that I'm in a good mood today. That's all!

Thee Oh Sees & Paul Cary split 7"

                        Click here for beard pampering.

While I'm not bowled over by Paul Cary's old band, The Horrors, his recent solo album was the cats meow for me. Go out and buy that one, will ya??!!

This 7" with Thee Oh Sees is basically a perfect record as far as I'm concerned. You should own a tangible copy of this too, but it was so damn limited that you'll need an ebay account to get any closer than this.

Estrogen Highs - Tell it to them

                    Click here for Uma Thurman's diary

Honestly, I don't know anything about this band except they make me want to get off my ass and finish that damn time machine I've been working on for God knows how long. Although, the last time I used it I couldn't get that "Belushi gut" smell off of my jacket for weeks. I know, I know... put down the booze and focus. (fat chance)

It's like they found a way to tap into my brain and capture the sound of me being a teenager running loose on the streets.

Every time I hear "The age of romantics" I just want to grab my deck and fuck around on the "Milfs" mini ramp while some stupid chick makes goo goo eyes at me every time I do a rock and roll on her side of the platform.

R.I.Y.L. Drinking, fucking, wearing black, and doing things that your wife/mother/girlfriend wouldn't approve of.

Detroit Cobras - Tied and true


While they'll never capture the low down and dirty sound of their earlier albums, Rachel, Maribel, and their revolving cast of characters continue to put out worthwhile records. This, Tied and True, is their latest offering.

Of course it's the usual obscure covers that they're known for, but as every other person who's spent a minute writing about this band would say: They make the songs their own.

In case you didn't notice, it's lazy journalism week here at ohrobot. No apologies.

Also, this platter was produced by my man, Memphis legend Mr. Greg Cartwright. That sounds like a guarantee to me.

Jeffrey Novak - After the ball

Click here for tasty grades

Jeffrey Novak is the lead singer of Cheap Time. This is what he does when he's not doing that. At times I can hear the Kinks. Other times I hear what the ringleader of an outer space circus would sound like if I had the golden opportunity to head into space and attend the greatest show on... another planet. Whatever, they just better treat those space elephants with respect.

This was a little underwhelming for me at first, but I've changed my mind. This is the type of record that should only be played while tying a helpless female to the railroad tracks that carry the locomotives that bring the space animals home at night. I'm drunk... will you sit on my lap?

Zee Avi loves Patrick Keeler

                      Click here for maniac brownies

I've been listening to this album for about a year now and I'm not sick of it at all. If you're into the sort of stuff that Cat Power makes, then this is for you. Wait... that is the laziest comparison I've ever made. I'm sorry.

I'm very particular about girls and acoustic guitars because for every one Julie Doiron there are one hundred and fifty nine million crappy broads who you'd bang if it wasn't for their crappy, corny tunes. Yes... I'm a god damned snob.

If you're confused about why I titled this post the way I did, I'll explain. Zee Avi owes her  current career to the keen ears of Patrick Keeler, drummer for the Greenhornes and that awful musical debacle; The Raconteurs. Apparently, he caught one of her youtube videos and was smitten enough to mention it to White Stripes manager; Ian Montone. Long story short: Lucky ladies make good records. Hey, there's even a cover of Morrissey's "First of the gang to die" here and it ain't bad.

I've heard "bitter heart" the last two times I went to Ikea. Speaking of that Swedish retailer, I'm kind of sick of people that hate on it. Where else am I going to get a great cutting board at such a low price? Jeez!

Friday, March 5, 2010

Hurry up and wait!

Hey kids, I want to apologize for not being around lately... it's just that I've been really depressed about a lot of stuff and I've been feeling like I need to be put down. There is a bright side however... no, wait... there isn't. I checked.

So, that being said... enjoy this picture while I try to sort things out or swallow poison or something.

Monday, February 8, 2010

DES ROAR: Last night of the West Coast tour

The first thing I'd like to say here is THANK YOU to the band for putting on a bunch of great shows while they were out here on the west coast. The second thing I'd like to say will be directed toward the Roxy up on the Sunset Strip...

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Sleazy like Sunday morning #4 - More paperback smut.

It was a long hard year for the two. With their careers taking up most of their time, they'd both been in need of some sort of stimulus. Although they hadn't spoken in a while, their lives were running parallel to each others and on the night their paths crossed, it was obvious that they had found their stimuli in one another.

Beth, the younger of the pair, was burning the candle at both ends it seemed. She'd been putting in a minimum of twelve hour days at the theatre, six days a week in a blurred mixture of rehearsals and evening performances. She was a dancer mainly, but in this production she was to play a sizable part that demanded she learn enough lines to fill half a bible. Since her childhood she'd dreamt of running her own company and she was now closer than ever to achieving her dream, but the constant grind was starting to take its toll. Earlier in the day she had jokingly confessed to another member of the company that she'd only slept a total of six hours in the last forty eight. Her body, sore and throbbing. Her mind, scattered and foggy. With her relentless approach to achieving her dreams she knew she'd burn out, but fought it every night as she faced the crowded theatre. As she'd say her lines she'd peer into the faces of them all. The critics sat there with their note pads while the theatre buffs stared toward the stage. Some were smiling, but others warmed their seats wearing such serious expressions that one could confuse them with high court judges. Come to think of it... judges they were. All of them and every night was a trial that she'd have to fight her way through. Even with all the pressure that came along with it, she wouldn't have it any other way. She was following her heart.

Rick on the other hand didn't have half the trappings. His life, although seriously structured, afforded him far more time to dream and lay about than most of his peers. As the branch manager of an airport area car rental business, his level of activity depended on the number of people that needed a vehicle. Some days it was through the roof, but there were others where he didn't see another living, breathing being at all. Of course, this did little to change the fact that he was there everyday. Ten years ago he told himself that he'd only work there for a year or two,  just to raise enough money to start his own business. A diner. He wasn't necessarily into cooking at all, but the idea of having something that would be open twenty four hours where folks could come in and take a load off was the most appealing thing he could think of to do with his future. There was something appetizing about the cranky, senior citizen waitress and the just making it to decent coffee that grabbed him. It was an idea that he had gotten when he was in his twenties and spent his time reading books in the rearmost booth of a Waffle House at 3:00 AM. He liked the vibe. Naturally, like most achievable dreams, things tend to get in the way and money ends up needing to be shifted from one credit card to another. Then, before you know it... you're still the branch manager of the Rocket Rent a Car Agency which sits exactly one half mile from the airport and you realize that you'll never compete with the Denny's down the lane.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Drunk guys

Here is a photo taken a few weeks ago. I believe we're all trashed. I also believe that there are far too many button down shirts pictured here. Either way, these guys rock.

* If you had to assign a particular band to each person pictured above, could you?
Here are your choices:

Thee Headcoates
The breakdancer is too obvious for this game.

Listed from l to r: A cartoonist, A drunk fuck, The Lord of turtle sex, Archie Bunker Jr, A breakdancing cook.

And now... here are The Strange Boys performing "Be brave."

Saturday, January 30, 2010


Click here for a salted rim

This guy sounds like a whimsical French musical instrument after a couple of shots of unicorn tears in a bar that sits just outside of the powder blue kingdom of happiness.

(don't front. you know you wanna go there)

I'm strangely attracted to this music.

That said, Herman Dune is not an easy pill to swallow for some. His delivery and song structures are bizarre.

I would put him on a mixtape alongside The Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players and The Moldy Peaches. Maybe I'd add some Ween... They Might Be Giants too. Yeah.

See that? I just got so nerdy on you. You're lucky I didn't mention Paul Barman.

Tina and the leathered buffoon: Part one.

He was a thick, leathered buffoon slumped over the jukebox when Tina found him slumped over the jukebox. There weren't any sorry assholes left at the bar besides the guy who lived above the place. He wasn't an asshole. He saved a kid once. The part where it all went wrong was when he went out to celebrate his good deed with some friends. They all went home, but he kept celebrating. And celebrating.

She approached her lummox with a calmly executed hint of hesitation. One that signaled she knew that if she didn't save him he'd be shaken awake and dragged onto the sidewalk by the bar back, but also knew the love was fading. They never even dated. She mostly just felt sorry for him.

With a measured tug she pulled him by the back pocket and said "What's going on, hon?" Of course there wasn't a response, but she knew he was blacked out. The bartender watched her as she wrapped her arms around his chest and gave him a lift. The leathered buffoon stood in a display of barely controlled slurs and near disastrous loss of balance. Thin Lizzy played through the piss scented air.

Exiting the bar was an awakening. The leathered buffoon, with his half opened eyes seemed to regain his equilibrium. "The Boys are back in town, huh?" he said with an embarrassed laugh. She was there again, but why? The cool night air swept his face and shocked its way through his denim jacket. It failed. The buffoon was always warm. Uncomfortably warm at times. Tonight however, the temperature was perfect.

"You know? It's not cool that the bartender calls my phone to get you off of his jukebox." she said with a tired grunt.

"It was only one other time... and it was the pool table that I passed out on. Do you think they should've kept serving me?" the buffoon feigned indifference after that.

"Oh, don't even try it. Walk!"

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Des Roar at Silverlake Lounge.

Last night me and the crew decided to go down and catch Des Roar at the Silverlake Lounge. We were not disappointed. First off, it was good to see the gang again and it was plain to see that life on the road hasn't affected their mood. They were all just as drunk and ferocious as I recalled them to be. And much more.

In about 40 minutes they tore through a nice mixture of surf, garage, and the maniacal Rock N' Roll they've grown to perfect. Beginning with "The watcher" and ending the set with upcoming single "Watch your step" the crowd instantly knew that these NYC fuckers weren't just stopping by for a beer and polite conversation.

Enter the dueling guitars of wild Irishman Alan O' Keeffe and frontman Ben Wolcott, who has seriously upped his snarling intensity. Maybe being on the road has made them angry after all? They played with the brashness of a band that not only wanted to rock the house, but as a band that wanted to make sure that the sheer force of their music was going to crack a few ribs.

By the way, are you kids lifting weights? All of your arms looked like they were powerful enough to smash a beer cooler. As if that wasn't enough, their diminutive drummer Lyla ain't afraid to kick something after it's dead. For real.

During the last song, the aforementioned 'Watch your step', plenty of boys and girls in the crowd rushed to the dance floor and started doing the graveyard twist. (I have no idea what these kids call dancing today)

It was exactly what a Rock N' Roll show should be: Loud, fast, snotty, and raw. Can somebody please pick these guys up already!!?? Do yourselves a favor by grabbing a copy of Mad Things. You won't be sorry...

And Ryan, I still need a t shirt. You are my only hope.

*Thanks to Red Melanie for the photo.
You'll have to forgive me for not including pictures of the show. Honestly? I left the house pretty drunk to begin with and ended up forgetting my camera.

Monday, January 25, 2010

The Horrors - Vent

Click here or the hostage gets it!

Not to be confused with Faris Tombstone or whatever those English Horror lads call themselves, these Horrors are from Iowa. What else comes from there?

Besides the state being a major force in the soybean industry, I couldn't find a lot. I'll have to visit. The only problem with that is that I take terrible notes when I'm drunk. Usually they start out informative, but they soon develop into crude drawings of naked women with pumpkins for hands and things of that nature. One time I was following someone who I thought was a local rapist. When I handed the notes to the cops they were excited that a citizen took such an acute attention to detail, but that all all changed when they realized the suspect was Caucasian, six foot tall, and was wearing the "strenuous costume of a shy zebra/ long pony hybrid"

Apparently I had begun writing a poem.

This album, produced by Memphis Garage legend Greg Cartwright, is not something that I'll keep on repeat, but I can promise you that no dirty old bar should be without a copy of this in their jukebox.

Rolling Stones and Satanic Requests

Click here to get the smelly hand

"Hey Mick, I've got an idea."
"Yeah? What is it Keith?"
"Well, those mop topped buggers are getting all psychedelic and..."
"... and what, Keith? Are we supposed to compete with that?"
"Hell fuckin' yeah you big lipped bastard!"

And thus Their Satanic Majesties Request was born.

2000 Light Years from Home is the perfect song. Not kidding.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

On first reaction I saw ________

A Mike McGill board.

Personally? I was a Lance Mountain guy.

By the way, is Axl Rose even a real person?

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Jay Reatard R.I.P.

From Wikipedia:

"Lindsey was found dead in bed at his home in Midtown, Memphis around 3:30 a.m. on January 13, 2010. A death investigation has been opened by Memphis police. A statement was posted on the website of Goner Records, that Reatard had died in his sleep. Friends of Lindsey stated that he had recently complained of flu-like symptoms."

Read a great interview with Jay by Rich Tupica at Turn It Down here

Covers time!

Click here for used ambergris.

Good day folks, I'm sitting around cleaning up my computer and weeding out the tunes that really have no business being there such as the Fungi Girls and the Screaming Females records. I tried, but that doesn't mean I won't keep a look out for future stuff from those guys.

Anyway, while unearthing some stuff I inadvertently came across a few gems that I hadn't heard in a while. Among them was this little song folder with Ben from Des Roar covering two Strokes songs and one booze soaked original with a bit of that old country twang.

Speaking of Des Roar, they're playing the West Coast now and will be in LA on the 17th.


*When downloading from Sharebee don't click the giant download button. Click the smaller, green filehost names instead (Rapidshit, Badwrongo; etc)

Videos I like today!