Monday, January 10, 2011

Well, well, well... there's a spark.

Hello loyal readers. I hope that everyone had a great Christmas and a safe and happy New Year! I can't say that I had either. In fact, my holidays were terrible and spent completely alone. Actually, I rang in the exact point it became 2011 in a women's restroom with two chicks who were passed out on the cold tile floor. One of them even had diarrhea! Good times, right? I didn't know them, but me and some other guys were kicking them out of the place. 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!!!! *insert fart sound right abut here.

So, to update you all... my wife has officially separated from me. She will be taking my children across the country. My dogs will go too. I will end up living in a rented room above a strip club or something like that when she's through with me. How can I be so calm? Well, when I go to sleep at night I'll do it with a clear mind and an open heart. Or is that a broken heart? I'll get through it all because I didn't cause this, depression did.

That said, if you or someone you know suffers from it, the best thing you can do is get them help because you may lose them to it as I have.

Now, we're pretending to be be friends. It kills me every moment of the day because obviously we still live under the same roof. The silver lining of this is that I get to live with my children and I love them more than anything... except my wife, who is the top of the pyramid. I love her equally. I wish I had a genie or something that could help me out, but I don't. The sands are slipping through the hourglass and I can't stop it.

Am I single? Who knows, but I'm quite sure no lady is going to be interested in the wounded animal type, you know? I'm not really interested in seeing anyone anyway. I just want the wife back. Or do I really?

You all have been very patient with me while I've been sorting myself out so I'd like to do something nice for you, except I don't know exactly what. Let's just say I'm working on it.


Click this for an audio representation of how I feel about my life right now. Make sure your speakers are on for the proper effect.

Also, a good pal of mine named Tyler has started something up aimed at the reader types out there. Check it out right here you goddamned sissies!