Friday, February 27, 2009
Click here for a little "boom stick"
Hello kids, today I'm writing you all because I was inspired by a chicken that was found in my backyard a little while ago. Now the yard is completely sealed off from the public and is so far from the curb that either this chicken is bionic and made the 70 foot jump or somebody tossed it? I really hope it's a bionic chicken though...
What's weird about this is that this bird is now the third weird thing I'm finding in my yard in the two months I've lived here. First it was a humongous avocado that looked as if someone was trying to eat it without peeling it. I'm not CSI, but they were definitely human bite marks.
Next, there was a giant piece of wood that looked as if it had fallen from a tree. Nothing uncommon there except for the fact that this particular type of tree is nowhere to be found in my neighborhood. Trust me, I've checked around. There hasn't been any unusually strong winds lately either.
Now...a really good looking tan colored chicken.
It's just walking around pecking at stuff and doesn't seem to have any injuries. It might be bionic, who knows?
I'm not sure what I want to do about it. Should I walk next door and talk to the neighbor? "Excuse me...uh, permiso...are you missing a chicken?" or should I call animal control? Either way, something tells me that this bird's goose is cooked, know what I mean? Shit, it sucks to be something that people want to eat all of the time. There's no secure feelings there.
Anyway, enjoy the score from the greatest film ever made: Evil Dead 2! Maybe this might become the music I put my kids to bed with tonight?
PS. If the scene below doesn't make you want to watch this, well...you must hate love.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
The final Late Night with Conan O' Brien just ended about three seconds ago. I pretty much dislike all late night shows because I'm uncaring as to what celebrities are up to or what movie they're promoting, but Conan was different. Over the past sixteen or so years that crazy ass red haired man has brought a lot of laughter into our homes. I'm sad to see him go, but equally happy to see that he's just getting a new time slot.
Okay, now that I got the mushy parts out of the way...
What the hell was up with Jack and Meg? Is she pregnant? I can't believe I'm actually going to type this, but...
I was really underwhelmed.
With so much anticipation I waited to see the mighty White Stripes unleash some new material or at least perform a rollicking version of the world's greatest song Let's shake hands...
Sadly they did a less than spirited version of I can tell that we are going to be friends that, in all honesty, left me scratching my head. It was almost as painful as hearing Joss Stone's godawful version of Fell in Love with a girl or the acoustic version of said song that Jack played in Japan a few years back where it seemed he was covering the Joss Stone version himself. Aye...
It's been said that Conan asked them to play what they did and their performance was sad and chock full of emotion...I didn't see that while I lay on the floor like an excited child in front of the TV. I still want them to release another record.
Seeing them standing side by side was nice. More please.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Click here for something completely different
Canada may just be the one holding the title for being the homeland of a lot of great bands. Good for them! Thanks!
Julie Doiron, formerly of 90's band "Eric's Trip" is a Juno Award winning (Editor's note: Canada's version of the Grammy's) chanteuse that has a voice similar in sound to what you'd imagine a dramatic looking potted plant would sound like. You know the type...off in the corner of the room and giving off that "I'm trouble" vibe. Oh yeah.
If that description didn't sway you into becoming a fan of her, then I'll just say that she has a pretty and sometimes ethereal voice that goes really well against any instrument that accompanies it.
I first heard her on one of those CMJ samplers that used to be around. The song was called "dance music" and there's a video of it somewhere on this site. You should see it and I dare you to try and resist the temptation to clean your house. That shit's got pep!
Monday, February 16, 2009
I think it would be an understatement for me to say that today was a bad day. It was awful. I don't really feel like getting into all of the specifics here, but it's really crazy how tons of little, meaningless events can add up until you feel like you were smashed in the chest with a bowling ball. Honestly, the bowling ball would be better.
When I woke up today after a sleep that only lasted about three hours, I turned on the computer and checked this site out. I was pretty hammered last night so I wanted to make sure that I didn't post any pics of me in the buff. For the record, pictures of me in my naked glory do not exist. Thank the Lord for that.
Anyway, the first thing I noticed was a comment from the Black Lips management that basically told me to remove the album file for the record "Let it bloom" or face some crap from them. Naturally I removed the post immediately, but wished I didn't have to. I get it though. These bands need the cash. After that, the day decided that it was going to commit suicide. It really went down hill from there. Not because of the Black Lips thing, but because of how the crap just kept piling up.
People tried to talk to me at work, but in all honesty, I wished they would've ignored me instead. My weakness is that I can't ever just lie and tell people I'm fine when they ask me how I am . Then, after I tell them, I feel embarrassed for being such a downer. It's rare that I feel this way, but I'm up to my ears in with all of the things that have been bugging me lately. I never even get specific either. I just serve up a couple of furled eyebrows and a sampling of frowns.
I'm not even sure what's making me so nutso?
Anyway, I got bummed out again when I got a radio call regarding a disabled lady needing assistance. I got there in minutes to find a woman sitting in a wheelchair and dressed like taxidermy art from a New Mexico drawing contest. She was as mean as as an angry old cat. And you know how those cats are...
I introduced myself and the first thing she said in a gruff, stony voice was "I arranged to have someone dedicated to me and the chair." She said it like she was an ice cold super villain from a comic book. I looked down at her and asked her where she was given this information. She stared into my eyes with a hypnotists gaze and said something about "Paramount"
I didn't know what the fuck she was talking about so I told her to relax and that I'd take her to her room. She sat silent. Every time I looked down at her, she looked like a bag of horse skin topped off with a low end cowboy hat and turquoise jewelry.
She had two fat little boys with her. The two meatballs were basically running around us in circles. Every few seconds one of them would ask a stupid question or say something so lame that it had me begging for the experience to end. That's the problem in my line of work. You can't choose who you help. Sometimes you get really nice people, but then other times you get douches like this.
When we got to the room, the fatsos would not stop talking about the flat panel TV. They constantly repeated the words "Yes! Flat screen TV!" Except they added the eeeeeeee! sound at the end and they did it close to twenty times.
The dead pelt lady started yelling at them and then turned to me and said "My son has my wallet." Which was intended to let me know that I wouldn't be getting a tip. There was a moment of silence and then she kind of stared me out of the room.
Because I am a nice man, I offered her more of my assistance should she be needing it, but nothing could have stopped the room from growing colder as I navigated my way toward the door.
The kids looked afraid. I'm just glad I got out of there before she handed me a dreamcatcher necklace.
By the way, the penguin in the image above was created by me in about twenty minutes using scotch tape and hotel room keys. I'm a busy guy.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Click here to be exposed to the dangerous world of alcohol.
This set of songs was recorded very raw.
If you were able to get past that first sentence and you're still interested...well, then you've got a friend in me. This batch of tunes was recorded in the Hollywood Hills at the home of an actress, Eliza Dushku who is famous, but not widely known. She did offer shrimp that day though.
On the real though, she's nice.
Ben Wolcott: Vox / Guitar
Oh Robot: Drums
Andi Lugo: Piano
Click here to bite Chis Brown.
I was never crazy about this band and although I got this record when it was released, it didn't get any real rotation at my pad. I guess it was because when this came out I was in that kind of mode where you only want to listen to loud, frantic rock and roll with a beer in one hand and a breast in the other. Tonight however, I'm feeling a little mellower and in my left hand I hold only a rum and coke. I failed to mention my right hand because it's empty. How sad is that? No breast?
Anyway, this record is actually really good for those times when you need a little of that AM radio type of rock. You know the kind...the kind that makes you want to be witty and play pool as opposed to the stuff that makes you want to smash bottles and fight some guy in the restroom because you thought he was trying to sneak a look at your pecker.
If I was even the remotest bit confusing here, it's a good, mellow rock and roll record for doing whatever it is you do when you're not fucking and fighting. To boil it down even further I'd like for you to picture The Monkees...with fuzz. To really peel the skin off, this record is 60's radio hour all the way. Sometimes you'll shake your head, but most of the time you'll feel the vibes like you were cruising down some ocean highway with a little sexy vixen in the passenger seat. This also works if you're a lesbian. I just want you to feel loved or at least get yours, you know?
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Dear members of Razorlight,
I'm writing to you to claim the $500.00 you owe to New York City's 6th Ward Bar at 191 Orchard Street. Yeah, it's pretty sad that such a crappy band could walk into a place acting every bit the spoiled brat rock stars they pretend to be.
So cool you thought yourselves to be when you walked in. So tough you thought yourselves to be as you grew louder and louder. You thought the bartenders were your friends that night, didn't you?
Well, you are very wrong about that fellas. I'm not entirely sure that you have too many fans in NYC. One thing is for sure, you didn't have any fans at the bar last night, nor will you ever. Do you think the Detroit Cobras did anything lame when they dropped by and shut the place down to play pool and finish every bottle of liquor in the joint? Of course not, and guess what sillies...they are a Rock and Roll band. You should pick up one of their albums.
You acted like fools and were asked to leave. When you didn't, you were made to. This is good news for people who actually like rock and roll. What kind of music do you make anyway?
"Golden touch" was a fine song, true. After that though, sheesh...
I'm bored of this letter to you so if you can muster up the US dollars, please hand deliver your payment to the 6th Ward Bar. While you're there please feel free to apologize for your idiotic behavior.
The simple fact that you guys kicked a window out until it shattered only proves that you all deserve to be kicked until you shatter as well. But, being as the L.E.S. is the breeding ground of gentlemen, we'll forget that you sat in your stools singing praise to the band NOFX, trying to argue that they were the best band in the world. Keep on rockin' guys...
PS. You can also send a check., but we'd much rather have a face to face with you. You dig?
a guy you've seen before and didn't like.