Saturday, June 26, 2010

Service announcement # 836

Okay, shoot me. I know I haven't been posting too many albums lately and I've got good reason. It's called being busy and right now I'm busier than I've ever been before. Well, not as busy as when I spent that summer as *Jocelyn Wildenstein's plastic surgeon, but it's a close race.

In no particular order I'd like to offer a description of the lovely life of the robot...

Got a promotion at work. I am now the underboss. I work 600 million hours per week. I am not stressed. It's a natural thing. I was recently verbally attacked by a homosexual man in a patent leather, sleeveless shirt. He was mad that his $700.00 sunglasses were broken by another patron. It was 8:00 at night. I wanted to ask why he needed sunglasses when it was dark outside? He was lame, but apparently in the world of hair stylists and sleeveless clothing, he is an important figure. His shirt had designs that suggested that he was a high ranking official in some sort of military division. His shirt was a terrible liar. I held in my laughter knowing his glasses were actually broken by someone else as they walked by and kicked them after they had fallen to the ground. Ouch. Is there some sort of medicine to to prevent being a clueless moron? Yes you say? Well, I'll have a case of it!

I do not respect sunglasses at night. It's a lame thing to do and it is so overly unimpressive that it can only be compared to a heavyset and emotionally disturbed young woman doling out hand jobs in an alleyway for hot dog money. Maybe that's harsh?
Anyway, don't wear sunglasses at night because nothing is worse than trying too hard... and trust me, everybody knows when you're trying too hard. Only secrecy and a bashful politeness stop them from telling you.

What else? I protected a very scared man from getting his ass kicked by another guy on a train station platform tonight. I told him to stand behind me and not to worry. I didn't even really know why someone wanted to hurt him. I just knew that in the event of danger, my moustache would transform into an army of cranky ninjas and tear shit up. It's happened before, but due to government secrecy it was reported as the 1994 Northridge quake. Damn this shadowy existence of mine.

I know other things have been going on... but instead of me telling you, look into the following "googleable" things that have floated my boat over the past month or so:

1. Dr. McNinja
2. Nerve City
3. Asiago cheese
4. Naked Juice: Gold Machine
5. Bicycling
6. Wanting to pleasure myself, but not doing it. Not really.

Okay kids, see ya soon!

*Here you go. See how busy I was?

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Shitstorm: Table for one

There is a very bad moon rising right now.

Update 6-4-2010: