Monday, November 30, 2009

Unclaimed conversations Part 65: Tekisha.


Awww shit! Me and Kiki was down at the mall and this nigga stept up and was like "You got a lighter?" Nigga had a blunt hangin' out his mouth and shit. He was mad cute though. I was like "Nah... fuck that my nigga, you know you gotta blunt hangin' out your mouth? You can't be all in here like that....." but somethin' was tellin' me to stay right there and shit. I chilled and talked to him... you know? Shit... I was like "whatchu doin'??!!" and he was like, just looking at me all tastin' me wit' his eyes an' shit. Mmmm... that nigga look good! I broke out though because I'm not tryin' to do no dirt on my boo cuz I love him. He gonna be out soon. Been six months already, but I'ma stay strong while he locked up. But daaaamn, that other nigga looked good even more. I gave that nigga my number mad quick, but I I felt guilty, you know? I can't wait til tomorrow when he call. I ain't gonna do nothin' wit' him, but I wanna hang out with that nigga. Say word... yo, my moms is trippin' and shit lately. She like, drinkin' all the time and not comin' home and shit. Damn yo, I wish that bitch would change back! I miss my moms. Anyways, I don't want to be chillin' in the crib when she's there so I'm prolly gonna call him. That nigga don't got no car though. I'm like, Nigga, I ain't takin' the train to no motherfuckin' club and shit and have me walkin' back home all barefoot. Nah, I didn't tell him that, but still...


Tekisha doesn't exist except for in my brain. I'm not going to post it, but it should be noted that I have written an entire diary as her. I squeezed it in between moments when I wasn't thinking about other shit. If you're nice, I may even give her her very own advice column.

In your bedroom.

Click here for less affection than ever.

Hello boys and girls, how are you all doing? Hopefully you're all well and have most of your teeth. You need those... teeth of yours. Most importantly to chew, but you knew that didn't you? Anyway, I could sit here and complain about life until my bones get old and shatter like so many bones in Bud Dwyer's skull, but I figure it'd be better of me to sit here, feel good, and offer up a cool record to my close friends. We are friends, right?

(waits about six seconds for sped up dramatic pause and wonders if you're morbidly curious about the bold face link above)

... I thought so, punks.

Tonight is as good as any other night to grab yourself and then grab yourself somethin' strong to sip on. Yes, you read it right. I'd like you to listen to what Craig Fox of The Greenhornes has been up to since he and the boys released Sewed Soles. I'm not saying this album is ground breaking, but it is fun. It's equal parts 60's rock n' roll and meathead/ caveman adjacent.

Like I said, get drunk, put your fingers somewhere she ain't gonna mind and boogie to the barstool rock of the Cincinnati Suds. Barstool Rock. It's a new genre I just invented. You can take a picture with me later.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Thursday, November 19, 2009


I am unloved by the one person I need love from.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Wanda Jackson and Jack: His newest Loretta?
Click here for motor home ugly.

So the latest news about Jack White isn't that the White Stripes will be playing again. Unfortunately, it isn't that the dreadful Dead Weather has disbanded. It's not about his collaboration with some R&B singer either.

Actually, depending on how you look at it, the news that he's going to produce old school and still kicking, Rockabilly gal, Wanda Jackson might be a good thing. I say might because some may be a bit skeptical as whether or not he can top his work on Van Lear Rose. This isn't to say that Wanda Jackson isn't incredible. She's as true as a pistol whip. It's nice to see JW is working with someone who can bring out the best in him.

As most of my readers know, he has been really freaking me out for a while now, but once again I'm going to have faith. I also hear that he trying to produce a Rolling Stones record...

I'm still hoping that him and Greg cartwright sit down for coffee someday soon.

Anyway kittens, here's a nice little Wanda Jackson album to get you acquainted with the woman who most people refer to as "The Queen of Rockabilly." She dated Elvis. I don't know why that's weird right now.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

More Des Roar!

Here's a nice little story about these bastards that I managed to dig up. Enjoy it!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

A report from young November.

Again, I'll reiterate that Ohrobot is a man. I am a man who enjoys thinking about shish kebabs and warm, NYC pretzels at the corner of 42nd. and 8th. I wish I could recall the vendor's name. Every night... there I was, from no matter where I was, I'd be there waving money in a middle eastern guys face trying to buy his meat and flour. I'm sure it was the spice that kept me coming back... or was it the ritual?

I'm leaning towards the latter on that one. I say that because I'm prone to habit. Not only that, but I'm such a repeater that I end up repeating the most unrepeatable things you could imagine. Not so much words.. more like, situations. It's crazy. My heart is an ox.

Right now I'm sitting like the Land O' Lakes indian and instead of holding butter (ad overkill) I'm typing. I'm listening to Mazzy Star. Does that make me emo? Hell no.

I'm a man that likes walking around town alone. When I was young, I'd take a bunch of acid and walk through Macy's at 34th street during the busy hours. Coincidentally, every single hour that that store is open, it's a busy hour. Anyway, I'd walk in there, barely able to contain a smile. 1000 volts surging through me at the same time. I'd purposely bump into as many people as I could because with each impact came a supercharge of pure feeling.

It sounds hippy, but it's true. For me and for you.

I can't remember an actual number, but it is estimated that at least 64% of each week was spent playing human pinball bumper. I can't imagine their security team. They were so lame that they didn't notice the same guy coming in there all the time and never buying anything. Suckaz.

Since I'm sharing... I'm also the type of guy that'll put a slice of processed american cheese on a banana. Go ahead and snicker. Try it. Speaking of food... my days of being the guy that cooks his meat on the driveway because he has a vegan family are over. The windiness we've been getting out here could prove to be an enemy of a $5.00 mini-barbecue grill. That would be all I need. Now I am the guy that eats his food someplace else. It ain't cheap neither.

And did you know...

When I dream, I dream of fighting. All of the fucking time. It could be a dream where I'm using a silver studded brush to comb the wondrous mane of a golden unicorn and somehow, some way I end up fighting for my life or fighting for the lives of others. I must admit... I'm quite the Ninja at times. Though other times my hands are like Mickey Mouse hands and no matter how hard I swing, when they connect they're as soft as a cotton ball. So weird...

Lately I've been the carrier of a heavy heart. No particular reason... just the times and how they've come to be.

It's a messy staircase, this life. Watch your footing or you'll end up in a smash.
Isn't that great advice? Apply it toward anything and anyone!

Here is a common view for me...

Johnny Powers - Long blonde hair

Click here for a student animal.

"Well, I love you baby... I love your style... When you walk the bop you drive me wild... I loved you once... I'll love you twice... Big, blonde baby you're awful nice...

Well, long blonde hair... rose red lips... When you walk the bop my heart just flips... I love you so... I can't let go... Big blonde baby I love you so"

Johnny Powers is another musician in the long line of Michigan Rock N' Roll demons. Sure, he wasn't breaking new ground back in 1957, but what he did, oh baby, he did so well.

Here's a little fun fact:

Jazzman Stan Getz plays guitar on the title track. On an unrelated note, this is much better choice for the guitar than Bernie Goetz, who may have gotten upset somewhere during the recordings.

Download this shit if you like dark streets, switchblade rumbles, and fine chicks in leather jackets.