Tuesday, February 10, 2009

An open letter to Razorlight...

Dear members of Razorlight,

I'm writing to you to claim the $500.00 you owe to New York City's 6th Ward Bar at 191 Orchard Street. Yeah, it's pretty sad that such a crappy band could walk into a place acting every bit the spoiled brat rock stars they pretend to be.

So cool you thought yourselves to be when you walked in. So tough you thought yourselves to be as you grew louder and louder. You thought the bartenders were your friends that night, didn't you?

Well, you are very wrong about that fellas. I'm not entirely sure that you have too many fans in NYC. One thing is for sure, you didn't have any fans at the bar last night, nor will you ever. Do you think the Detroit Cobras did anything lame when they dropped by and shut the place down to play pool and finish every bottle of liquor in the joint? Of course not, and guess what sillies...they are a Rock and Roll band. You should pick up one of their albums.

You acted like fools and were asked to leave. When you didn't, you were made to. This is good news for people who actually like rock and roll. What kind of music do you make anyway?

"Golden touch" was a fine song, true. After that though, sheesh...

I'm bored of this letter to you so if you can muster up the US dollars, please hand deliver your payment to the 6th Ward Bar. While you're there please feel free to apologize for your idiotic behavior.

The simple fact that you guys kicked a window out until it shattered only proves that you all deserve to be kicked until you shatter as well. But, being as the L.E.S. is the breeding ground of gentlemen, we'll forget that you sat in your stools singing praise to the band NOFX, trying to argue that they were the best band in the world. Keep on rockin' guys...

PS. You can also send a check., but we'd much rather have a face to face with you. You dig?

a guy you've seen before and didn't like.


liza jane said...

wtf!? thats lame.

Tim said...

Don't worry about it. They're in Razorlight, they're constantly being punished. Imagine jamming your consciousness into an asshole all day every day. That's what being in Razorlight is like.

liza jane said...

for the record i have no idea who razorlight is... but if that's what its like... consider me miles davis.

i almost said count me in.

Oh, robot said...

^ You should be glad you don't know who they are. I was into the Libertines a while ago and they had association with each other. Never could figure out why though.

"Consider me Miles Davis" - from the best movie ever!