Monday, April 30, 2012

I call this one "Monster Advance"

I wish the lies would cease. Then I could fall asleep and dream about nice things for a change.

The Dirty Carl Show Vol.19 (Upstart girls: The Parisian edition)

Click here to buy Kimya a bike.
Click it douche burger :)

Yeah! (sorry, I thought I'd start this post on an unusually positive and excited note.)

Did you hear? Rick Astley died today. Sad. Anyway, here is the latest Dirty Carl Show for you beautiful goons. I barely recall making it, but that don't mean shit.

All you have to do is press play and act like yourself. Easy peasy my main motherfraggers! Just do it.

By the way Rick Astley is alive and well. We had an hour long phone conversation today and he expressed the following:

"I Never have I hated my life so fucking much.
I'm gonna have to make some changes.
I'd give the shirt off of my back to a friend, but no one would do it for me.
Fuck you! It's what I say to my so called friends.
I'm up, but I'd rather be asleep. It's so late right now. London's dreary...
I'll never leave though. I'm here forever, I guess.
I'm gonna really try to make it all right with God... and my mum.
Some say I'm a one hit wonder, but I have other songs, you know?
Shit... goodbye to fame if I can't write one more hit. I hope I can.
I'll never be able to top the big one, you know? I'll try halfheartedly...
I'm gonna go to the studio first thing tomorrow.
It'll turn around, won't it Carl?
I'm around... I haven't gone away or anything like that. I've been here.
Me and my cats. That's all I have to show after this whole ridiculous ride...
I hurt. Really badly. I'm so lonely.
Are you even listening??!!"

At that point I grew really sleepy so I told him we'd talk tomorrow. He didn't take it well.

Enjoy the Dirty Carl Show Volume # 19 (and your Rick Roll)

This wasn't my idea, but I liked it enough to make my own salad from it :)

Here I am...

*Tracklist upon request.

Happiness is a warm...

How to Pick Your Right Girl

She is attractive, of course, but is that her chief asset? (Try to imagine her ten years from today.)
Do you want her because she is popular–because other men have wanted her? (Don’t be a copy-cat!)
Could you spend seven consecutive evenings in her company without being bored? (If the answer is affirmative, it is a good sign.)
Do you have similar tastes in most things?
Is she a good sport?
Is she reasonably healthy?
Is she a flirt? Does she make you jealous? (Decide whether you can stand the strain; your jealously will persist until you grow indifferent.)
Are you constantly irritated by some small mannerism of hers? (You can’t be terribly in love.)
Does she tell lies? Do you mind?
Is she a nag?
Is she quarrelsome? (The Bible warns, “It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop than with a brawling woman in a wide house.”)
Is she hard on other people? (Don’t judge by her behavior to you.)
Is she trying to reform you? How do you feel about being reformed?
Has she tried to boss you? (Maybe you need a boss.)
Would she put up with all your faults if she knew them?
When you quarrel, who capitulates first? (A combination of two stubborn mules is bad.)
Do you agree on children, or a career, or both? (Better settle this beforehand.)
Does she expect you to support her in a definite style? Could you count on her cooperation in hard times? Would she go to work if necessary?
Will she help you get ahead? Or will she pull you away from your work?
Can she handle money?
If you marry her, will you also be marrying her family?
Does she let you get around to see your old pals? (If you have been too infatuated to notice, make it a point of finding out.)
Are you proud to present her to your friends? (If not, reconsider.)
Do you hope to reform her? (Give up the idea. People change, but not according to plan.)
Do you know her faults? Are you willing to live with them?
Do you still think her perfect? (You’re wrong, of course, but marry!)

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Down in the valley...

Like anything that breathes on this planet, I want to be loved. Now, I'm not particularly dying on the inside or anything, but it would be really nice if someone wanted to hold my hand.

I was told that I'm unlovable today. It wasn't in those exact words, but I caught the drift. It kind of hurt, but I try to respect the opinions of others. It was said because I have a deep rooted pain I guess. Duh!

This particular opinion made me think a little and for a second I actually questioned myself and my state of being for a moment before arriving at the conclusion that it was one opinion and it shouldn't matter. Life goes on, right?

But then something struck a chord within... I thought about the old saying the businesses basically live by:

"For every one vocal complaint, there are ten silent ones"

Then, for about 38 seconds I was swimming in this vortex of worry. Thankfully I remembered that I didn't give a shit and I returned to being whatever it is I am.

The fact is that I have taken a whole bag of emotional hits over the past few years and the attack has been pretty relentless. I'm not depressed about it because I'm no stranger to adversity. My whole life has been peppered with war. The trick is that you just have to enjoy the pepper... on everything. That's how you keep sane.

Now, don't assume that I'm some sort of Lorenzo Llamas who rides a motorcycle alone and drifts across the United States without romance or companionship. I don't ride a motorcycle, but I tend to drift without any real romantic connections and that's kind of a bummer, but hey... what can I do?

I guess that like everything else... maybe good things do come to those who wait. I hope that I don't have to wait around too long. I'm not a youngster anymore. When I wake up... I creak... I rattle... and then I get rolling... slowly.

That said... I'm a loveable guy.

After my failed marriage I swore off women for a while, but then I met someone who was pretty great. She was a gem, but she wanted more than I could give and so did I. I wanted a live in lover. I wanted an unofficial marriage. She wanted kids. She wanted a real marriage. Boy, were we at at an impasse, but we gave it a go anyway.

I'm not sure if it failed. I'm not sure if we're supposed to celebrate. All I know is that right now I'm sitting here drinking coffee and I wish that my lips were touching something besides this coffee cup. Now, I'm not saying I make bad coffee... I'm just a little lonely today.

Dirty Carl Vol. 19 is almost ready and it should be up by this evening when most of you fools are asleep. I hope you all enjoy what I do. I do it all for you.

Monday, April 23, 2012

I call this one "Star Teeth"

I fucking hate sunglasses at night. Just sayin'...

Mikal Cronin and the Ty Segall Band - Violitionist Session
Click here to rid the world of the unromantic.

The Violitionist Sessions are 3 questions and 3 songs with bands from Denton and passing through Denton, Texas. The sessions are all recorded live in a living room with no overdubs and no fancy tricks. The goal is to document a moment in time.
This is what happened in Denton, Texas.

The tracks are:
Get along
Am I wrong?

Dirt Carl Show Vol.18 (Playing it strange...again)

Click here for the furry tostada.

Hello everyone. Here's a story...

There once was a man who lived in a basin. The sun was merciless and each day he grew increasingly helpless to defend himself from its punishing rays. He tried everything; sunglasses... big brimmed hats... not toweling off after showers... he even went as far as to hire a homeless man to douse him with bottled water every ten minutes, but that didn't work out too well. The vagabond kept pouring the water on himself and needless to say he was fired after being given seven separate chances. Then one day it hit him... the heated man decided that he would finally end his horrible ordeal by moving to the coldest place on Earth. He planned and planned and drew up schematics and found investors, but still... it was medically impossible to fit his rather large frame into her tiny and shriveled heart. So he died. Sweating and blistered.

^ Don't ask... grab a flask! Enjoy the Dirty Carl show in all of its retarded beauty!
This is show eighteen.

1. Des Roar - Swinger (early version)
2. Allo Darlin' - The letter
3. Belle & Sebastian - The state I am in (BBC)
4. Cardigans - Carnival (Puck version)
5. Young People - The rhumba
6. Seer - Soul of fire
7. White Fence - The Mexican twins
8. The Smiths - Rushholme Ruffians (Alternate)
9. Herman Dune - Whatever burns the best, baby
10. Ray Charles - Born to lose
11. Conway Twitty - The story of my love
12. Alabama Shakes - Be mine
13. Fresh & Onlys - Secret walls
14. Camera Obscura - Some guys have all the luck
15. Bob Dylan - To be alone with you
16. Dead Mans Bones - Where you sleep

Monday, April 16, 2012

Advice in a post-Tekisha age...

Don't be a dick.

Ruby Andrews - Black Ruby

Click here to get on the good foot.

Released in 1972, this platter of honey dripped, ass shakin' soul didn't make a huge dent in the more popular sectors, but those in the know totally knew.

It's like the current times... there will always be those early to the party and those who show up drunk off whatever they could afford, acting like douches and arguing why they're "totally on the list" even when the door man says no four times and then he has to bash their face in pretty good.

Catch my drift ladies and gents?

I know a pretty choice lady who dug this.

Ty Segall & White Fence - Scissor People

Holy Fuck! Yes!

Friday, April 13, 2012

Do it for the LULZ.

Not currently reviewing applications, but I'm accepting them for inspection at a later date.

It's been a weird week at Robot Manor, but expect a Rock N' Roll face punch later on.

Like I said, I never promised a normal blog, did I?


I should add that I disagree with the last part. Getting serious isn't an issue with someone worthwhile.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Just breathing...

This image accurately captures everything I want right now.

Nobody likes Rock N' Roll.

Meg White's enforcer.

If you've ever been hit in the face with a drumstick then I'm sorry for the traumatic imagry.

If you haven't, the this is what it looks like when one realizes impact is unavoidable.

If you'll look closely there is a highly detectable frown captured here.

Stella holds the drumstick. Scarlett would normally be holding a guitar. However, they tend to switch it up, so it's up in the air for now who plays what.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Thee Dirty Carl Show #17
Click here for that good ol' ninja food.

Enjoy this mix.

This may download as ONE long track or it might be spread out into individual tracks. It don't matter because this is meant to be played on third drink. This means that you should have a little buzz and use this to accompany your night from then on. We cool? Use this wisely. :)

1. Dirty Carl Intro
2. Bleeding Knees Club - Beach Slut
3. Des Roar - Baby, you're too young
4. Gaye Blades - You were with him
5. White Fence - It will never be
6. Black Keys - Busted
7. The Clap - She's only M-16
8. Buddy Knox - Rock House
9. ? & The Mysterians - Ain't it a shame
10. Demon's Claws - Weird ways
11. Dead Ghosts - When it comes to you
12. Spectrals - Surfy Jam
13. Motorcycle interlude...
14. John Wesley Coleman - Christians drive like shit!
15. Brimstone Howl - Million years
16. White Stripes - Baby brother
17. Ty Segall - I can't take it
18. BBQ - Three days
19. Reigning Sound - Let yourself go!
20. Thee Oh Sees - Bloody water
21. Fresh & Onlys - When are you gonna grow up?
22. Dirty Carl Outro - (Cardigans outtake)
23. Jimmy Bowen - Two step
24. King Lollipop - You will never find me
25. Camera Obscura - Super Trouper (ABBA cover)

Enjoy listening to this as much as I enjoyed making it and be dropped into the pot of prize winners.

By the way Dirty Carl prizes could be anything from movie tickets to toenail clppings. Its a gamble. Leave a comment to truly know....