Pizza:
Ah...that wonderful thing. I realize that this might be everyone's favorite food, but I don't care. The pure simplicity of it is just awesome, Bread, cheese, sauce. The possibilities are infinite, but I've yet to meet the person who puts cream cheese and jelly atop a slice. There was this one time I met a girl who said she felt unAmerican for not really enjoying pizza. You know what baby? It is and I'm not sure I know how to feel about that. Well, I actually thought about calling up a nearby sanatarium. I can't just let weirdos like that roam around can I?
Girls with tattoos on their chests:
Why not, right? There's nothing that says "I'm dangerous" quite like some silly drawings above the breasts. Now, don't get it twisted, I'm not saying any chick with a chest tattoo is going to make the cut. See the chick below? She definitely does not make it. If you must know why, well...I fucking hate lip rings, toe rings, nose rings, etc; I like the artwork though.
Alcohol:
Sweet mercy! What is this magic/tragic potion? I recall being a young lad stumbling through the city streets drunk off of whatever "bum grade" booze I could get. More than twenty years later not much has changed. I still drink the cheap shit. I just stumble less.
Dogs:
I wish I was a super duper science guy with a lot of money because I would spend all of my life locked away in a lab until I perfected an elixir that would elongate the life span of all canines. It is so unfair that on average, dogs only get to hang out for about 14 years. WTF??!? Dogs are better than people. In fact, and again if I was a super duper science guy, I would also teach dogs to speak perfect English. Some of you may think that the conversations might only be about sniffing butt or biting sticks, but really, most dogs would choose to talk about bitches. Oh yeah.
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