Girls at our best.

Jack White doing Jack White whether we approve or not.

"Blunderbuss"

I had my dream
I held your hand
On that broad avenue
We crossed the road
And never spoke
To another as we flew
We left your man
Alone in drag
Laughing there at us
A romantic bust
A blunder turned
Explosive blunderbuss


An ancient grand hotel of Persian thread and ivory
And when your man would turn his head I’d see you look at me
Pools of brown and sea of red
And demons in your pocket
That same romance
Performed a dance
Inside your silver locket


Da da da da
Da da da da


A corner exit not tall enough
To walk out standing straight
Designed by men so ladies
Would have to lean back in their gait
You grabbed my arm and left with me
But you were not allowed to
You took me to a public place
To quietly blend into
Such a trick pretending not to be
Doing what you want to do
But seems like everybody does this
Every waking moment


I laid you down and touched you
Like the two of us both needed
Safe to say that others might not
Approve of this and pleaded
“So selfish them” would be their cry
And who’d be brave to argue?
Doin' what you people need
Is never on the menu


Da da da da
Da da da da

Pixies - Doolittle

Click here for Jose Jones

In April of 1989, The Pixies released Doolittle, their second record. As expected... people flipped their fuckin' wigs because it was a really, really good album. It's 2012 and since I have the brain matter to understand that there are people much younger than I, I want to bring this record to them as well. As a side effect these young folks may venture out to a record store and pick up a vinyl copy of this. My fingers are crossed... unlike your girlfriends legs, which are spread lovingly in some sort of mating display in my honor. Yeah!

On a side note... there's a nice lady I'd like to bang while this record skips in the background.

The Smiths - Demos (that are pretty rad)

Click here for Ruffianism

My kitty cats... I'd like to share this in case you might have missed this unofficial release. I'm pretty sure I don't need to say much about this collection of tunes except for maybe that upon placing it upon my turn table, pretty girls like to sing along to it. Really... is there better? Probably not.

And with an awkward segue having nothing to do with English lads....
I fucking love Rodney Dangerfield. Why is he dead? Couldn't select folks just be around forever? There are barely any cool old dudes left. Except for my neighbor Dean. He's awesome. I'm sure he'll make an appearance on this blog in the form of a photoshoot. I'm waiting for the right pistols because he is forbidden from being photographed without holding one. Also, I'm trying to persuade him to get a huge chest tattoo.

Rodney Dangerfield: "My mother never breast fed me as a child... she said she only liked me as a friend."

If anyone sends me this album I'll send you a picture containing nudity. Or... maybe just some coupons or some shit.

Today's yum!

Officially hungry. Heading to Subway for a spicy Italian.

PP&M: See what tomorrow brings.

Click here for better scones.

I was turned onto this particular record by a 6 foot, ukelele 

playing former model. The lyrics below are from my favorite 

song on it. Simple shit so don't fuck it up, dildo breath.

You know it's hard to love another man's girlfriend
You can't see her when you want to
You gotta see her when you can
We may be fighting a losin' battle
But havin' a lotta fun tryin' to win.

I thought it over from these points of view
One way love ain't no good for two.
We may be fighting a losin' battle
But havin' a lotta fun tryin' to win.

Here's my confession baby, I want you to take heed
From this day on darlin' you can do anything you please.

I asked my baby should I go away
Your man wants me to leave
Do you want me to stay? 
We may be fighting a losin' battle
But havin' a lotta fun tryin' to win.

Here's my confession baby, I want you to take heed
From this day on baby you can do anything you please.

I asked my baby should I go away
Your man wants me to leave
Do you want me to stay? 
We may be fighting a losin' battle
But havin' a lotta fun tryin' to win.

We may be fighting a losin' battle
But havin' a lotta fun tryin' to win.
We may be fighting a losin' battle
But havin' a wonderful time, wish you were here!

The heart is magic/ tragic.

If there's anything I will never understand, it's why the human heart is so insane? I mean, one second you could have a machete in your hands hacking your way through a train station and not giving a fuck about whose Aunt is laying on the ground in a sputtering, wet mess or what clergyman will have to return to his flock missing two of his fingers because he really, really assumed that a hand made of flesh and bone was an adequate shield against a finely sharpened two foot blade.

However, the next minute the human heart is sitting on a leaky canoe heading toward the falls. It knows it won't be able to fight the force of the water, but yet it still beats as if it has even the slightest chance in Hell. It tells itself that it will make it and once it hits the calmer parts of the river everything will be fine and then it'll be able to sit with its amazed friends and retell the story dozens of times over a few rounds of microbrews. Everyone will most certainly laugh and a good time will definitely be had by all in the room.

Do you remember your teenage years when you had a pretty intense crush on someone, but for some reason you couldn't figure out, they didn't feel the same way about you? On the flip side, maybe you were the apple of someones eye, but you had no interest in them? That's real pain that the beholder tends to feel. You've known it, your sister has known it, your mom has known it at some point. We all know it, but we all do the same thing... we try to focus our minds on happier things or mindless distractions or meaningless flings. Real, excruciating pain and the attempted avoidance of it makes this happen. Some have described this particular feeling as a knife going through their heart. Others have said their heart felt like it was crushed beneath the weight of a tank. Either way, no matter what words are chosen, it all boils down to the same feelings: despair, lonliness, and becoming self critical. Nobody likes this. Nobody wants this, but settling for sadness is some sort of wicked phase that is as normal as learning to ride a bike or finally beating the end level boss and getting the high score. It has to happen and happen it will.

My friends, if I can call you that... we all have these stupid beaters in our chests and we'll all get ours fucked up into oblivion at some point. There's no avoiding it, so don't try. I mean, there are some people in the world that never seem to be heartbroken. If one relationship goes south, they readily attract a new admirer to fawn over them and keep that beating heart as numb as it could possibly be without stopping entirely. They replace any heart functions with physical pleasures. "Ooh... put it in my ass now, yeah." Those folks are what I refer to as empty shells and it don't matter if you're packin' a penis or pussy. If you're an empty shell, trust me when I say that I know you're full of shit. I know that you absoloutely have to numb yourself to stay sane, but when you finally do break... I'm sure all nearby low laying towns will have to evacuate to avoid drowning in your stupid tears.

Me? I'm canoe bound all the way. I get attached to the feeling of love and the feeling of knowing that there's somebody that gives a shit about you and just wants to hug and squeeze you until you pop. If given the choice of endless money or endless love... I'd blow up every bank in the city and hold the hand of my lady while we laugh at how high the flames travel. I'm happy with one true person. (She can't be too fat either)

There are variations of folks like me. The one that most readily comes to mind is the person who is mad at the one they love and in a single, poorly planned moment, jeapordize their romance and have an affair. I have a few thoughts on this behavior, but the only one I feel like mentioning is that if you are involved in a relationship and you seek pleasure outside of it, then it's time to place the old romance in a bag and leave it at the curb awaiting pick up. I was married for a very long time and contrary to the belief of my ex wife, I was faithful to a fault. I should have acted upon so many sexy invitations, but I didn't because I'm either an idiot or a good man. The jury is still out on that one. Anyway, what happens if you do decide to cheat? What happens if the person you've innappropriately laid with wants to spend more time with you? What if you dream of spending more time with that person? What if you sit around and replay that one special night over and over in your head? What if you look at your lover and want to tell him or her that you've cheated because you're racked with ten million pounds of guilt? Should you tell them? I say no because it could only do more harm than good. It doesn't "clear the air" or "start a clean slate" no way, that type of talk is for assholes. Confessionals only serve to reinforce suspicions forever, make pure moments awkward, and create the possibility of losing the one you love (but if you actually loved that person, why cheat in the first place?)

Well, that's all for me right now. I'm going to relax in my empty nest and give my bottle of tequila a warm hug before I become vampiric and suck its blood until it becomes... an empty shell. Thanks for listening.

White Stripes Breakup Video LOL

This shit is strictly for the fans, but it's kinda funny.




And as a pretty good bonus... Eric Burden and The Animals: I know this song has been played to death, but there is very good reason for it, don't you agree?

Tonight's yum!

All of a sudden I'm feeling hungry.

Dirty Carl Show Vol. 21

Click here to grow your own Morrissey.

Dirty Carl Show Volume # 21


Well, well... look what we have here? I knew you all couldn't stay away for long. Not because I'm nice or friendly or handsome... just because you were curious to see how an eagle could fly so high or how a train could wreck so bad (it depends on who's looking, you know?)

My friends... today is a special night. No, it's not my birthday or the specified date of the apocalypse... it's Dirty Carl Volume # 21 night and I didn't feel like rockin' my ass off. Well, I did, but not in the traditional sense. Tonight I relaxed and got my fill of indie pop while listening to a mixture of airplanes, Spanish language, and laughter right outside of my bedroom window. It was a treat to hear life happening.

If I can say anything tonight... it's that if you are disenchanted with your lover, leave that person at once. You deserve to feel amazing and if loving him or her seems like too much work it truly isn't what you need. Your heart is supposed to feel full of joy, not doubt. Also, you deserve someone who wants to nibble you into oblivion. Ask around... life's too short.

Okay then... enjoy!

Ladies... I'm good with your bodies. Just sayin'... 


1. Tim Cohen - Wonderful life
2. Albert Hammond Jr. - Call an ambulance
3. Magic Kids - Cry with me baby
4. Agent Ribbons - Chelsea, let's go join the circus
5. Allo Darlin' - The letter
6. Camera Obscura - French Navy
7. Hollows - V is for vulture
8. The Intelligence - Little town flirt
9. Hospitality - Friends of friends
10. Essex Green - Mrs. Bean
11. Wreckless Eric - I want to be your happiness
12. Them - Somethin' you got
13. The Raindrops - That boy is messin' up my mind
14. Darwin Deez - Radar detector
15. Jeffrey Novak - Untitled 1
16. Peter, Paul, and Mary - On a desert island dreaming of you
17. Belle & Sebastian - Dear catastrophe waitress
18. Aislers Set - Hey lover
19. Jaqueline Blanchard  - Strange new world
20. A dirty that you used to Carl - Interlude
21. Johnny Rebel - Coon Town
22. The Just Joans - Five bottles of beer

Perfect!

Jeffrey Novak of Cheap Time from a while back. Damn!