Well hello there boys and girls, it's your old pal Dirty CARL here to wish you a very happy holiday on this stupid, piece of shit day we call Christmas. Now, I know what you're thinking... "Carl, how can you say that about Christmas? It's the birthday of baby Jesus!" Not the religious type? Ne neither. Maybe you're thinking "Carl, Christmas time is a time for families to be together and exchange gifts. It's the one day where everyone puts their differences aside and remembers how much they love each other."
If you're thinking that, then you've hit the nail on the head, which coincidentally sends it through a hand, which in turn drives it into a crudely fashioned cross. Am I going to Hell? Certainly folks!
Anyway, this is the second Christmas where I find myself wishing I was hanging from a tree because I don't get to spend it with my children. It's the second Christmas that I get to depressedly stare at the pile of gifts that I bought for them and sink into this completely blackened muck of a state of mind.
Don't worry too much though. I'm like a cockroach. Nuclear blasts can't stop the kid.