Just breathing...

This image accurately captures everything I want right now.

Nobody likes Rock N' Roll.

Meg White's enforcer.

If you've ever been hit in the face with a drumstick then I'm sorry for the traumatic imagry.

If you haven't, the this is what it looks like when one realizes impact is unavoidable.

If you'll look closely there is a highly detectable frown captured here.

Stella holds the drumstick. Scarlett would normally be holding a guitar. However, they tend to switch it up, so it's up in the air for now who plays what.

Thee Dirty Carl Show #17

http://www.sendspace.com/file/79duga
Click here for that good ol' ninja food.

Enjoy this mix.

This may download as ONE long track or it might be spread out into individual tracks. It don't matter because this is meant to be played on third drink. This means that you should have a little buzz and use this to accompany your night from then on. We cool? Use this wisely. :)

1. Dirty Carl Intro

2. Bleeding Knees Club - Beach Slut
3. Des Roar - Baby, you're too young
4. Gaye Blades - You were with him
5. White Fence - It will never be
6. Black Keys - Busted
7. The Clap - She's only M-16
8. Buddy Knox - Rock House
9. ? & The Mysterians - Ain't it a shame
10. Demon's Claws - Weird ways
11. Dead Ghosts - When it comes to you
12. Spectrals - Surfy Jam
13. Motorcycle interlude...
14. John Wesley Coleman - Christians drive like shit!
15. Brimstone Howl - Million years
16. White Stripes - Baby brother
17. Ty Segall - I can't take it
18. BBQ - Three days
19. Reigning Sound - Let yourself go!
20. Thee Oh Sees - Bloody water
21. Fresh & Onlys - When are you gonna grow up?
22. Dirty Carl Outro - (Cardigans outtake)
23. Jimmy Bowen - Two step
24. King Lollipop - You will never find me
25. Camera Obscura - Super Trouper (ABBA cover)

Enjoy listening to this as much as I enjoyed making it and be dropped into the pot of prize winners.

By the way Dirty Carl prizes could be anything from movie tickets to toenail clppings. Its a gamble. Leave a comment to truly know....

Breakin' up is weird to do

Today I do not have a girlfriend

Did I lose her to the sea?

Did I lose her to a tree?

I do not have a girlfriend

Should I say woe is me?
Today I do not have a girlfriend

She said I was too mean

I do not have a girlfriend

Does this mean I am free?

Tonight I don't have a lady

I wonder what I'll do

Maybe I'll have a drink

and shit inside a shoe

Tonight I'll do a lot of things

I'll build a hut from scratch

I'll polish all my mother's rings

Then burn her with a match

*We reunited.. in the best way possible. Disregard this post. For now.

UPDATE: It crashed after the great war. Not my war either...

CB Hustlers

Hey gang, it's good to see nobody died today. I own a copy of this ridiculous film and I figured that it's worth a watch. In the vein of Hobo with a Shotgun, this is pure, delicious crap. Filmed terribly, acted awfully, scored well.

All I can say is "Let's call hotbox 2 and tell the girls..."

Enjoy the dopeness of this obscure little gem.

Watch here... it's a whole film. It also has a message... maybe it's don't date a roadside prostitute? Not sure...

by the way, ads never make me buy anything and I hate that before every six out of ten videos, you have to sit through one. I'm a man, but thanks for the cosmetics ad Cover Girl. Really.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSlE9KQ6-GI&feature=watch-now-button&wide=1

What manner of beast is this?

Right off the bat I'm going to mention that this will not be a post where you collect some random music album. Still there? Okay, good.

I actually don't know what I'd like to talk about, but I feel the need to rant about something. Maybe I should talk about the war? Nah. It's over anyway, right? If it is like the news tells me, then by golly, America is thee worst war ender I've ever seen. I'll shut up right there because this is the internet and we all know what happens when someone who doesn't know too much about politics makes a statement, right? That person gets trolled so hard he may end up with a bag full of rick rolls, a smattering of cats, and an unwanted membership to adult friend finder. No thanks kiddies. I'll shut my pie hole right the fuck up.

It's been a lame day. I spent it largely alone and mostly pacing around my place. No, I'm not crazy... just stressed. I'm not pulling out my hair or anything like that, don't fret. I've got good hair. My imaginary hairdresser tells me so every day.

Okay, I've got it. Here's what I'll rant about... ladies of the world, listen up:

Getting a clue isn't what it was in the days of pulp novels and episodes of Young Sherlock Holmes anymore. These days things are far more subtle. You need to be in tune (if you even care) and have to watch for the little things. After all mademoiselles, the devil is in the details, ain't that right Beelzebub?

Pay attention! This may save your life or the meaningless life of someone you may already know.

Today I was off from work and the ladies I know seemingly conspired to lame up at the same time as sort of some "get lame" campaign. Yeah, I shouldn't get too much into it because it'll do no good at all, but who the heck cares so long as I keep moving.

*I'm currently locked in a meat freezer. If I don't keep moving, I'll die. I've already done six push ups and I'm no warmer than when I tried to touch my nose with my tongue for two hours.

Today I was bored and I let the world know it. Yeah, I was definitely fishing for a good time, but it seemed that I couldn't get a bite to my line. So, instead of getting outdoors to find some good times of my own, I tackled a few things that before going into them, I knew they would sour me. You know the saying... don't put off today what will make you feel like setting fire to a jailhouse tomorrow or something like that.

Anyway, I decided to take on some bills and call a few companies. Most of you are probably like "Wait. all adults have to do that. Jeez."

Well douche bags, I didn't have to do it because I once had a wife who did all of it for me and like an idiot, I let her. For some strange reason I brought home money and let her distribute it as needed. I never asked questions. Fast forward ten years later, and that's ten years without knowing what the hell I was even paying for, I am retaking charge of my existence. Before marriage I handled crap like this with ease, but after not practicing for a decade, the old boy got a bit rusty.

Naturally it was a pain in the ass. My internet wasn't working, the gas company was double billing me, and I have no idea how much I owe medically. Let's just say that being reintroduced to my own life feels like I was having drinks in my living room, passed out and awoke upon a boat full of Cantonese sailors. Not only did I not speak the language, I couldn't stand the smell. (Not sure what that even meant.)

After a six hour bout of customer service and technical support calls I think I may have gotten my hands on the reigns again. Now my friends... I'm going to end this post because my old friend "cheap ass whiskey" just texted me.

I think we'll sleep together tonight. :)

Things I dislike right now.

There are probably too many to list here for now, but here's a smattering. I know, you're reading this and thinking to yourself "Oh, who has time to hate anything? We all need to get along..."

Sorry pussy. If I'm hurting you... I'll call up the W-A-A-A-mbulance and get that slit sewn right up. Okay, done? Let's move on.

1. Bands who are not Rock N' Roll, but claim to be even though they sound like Thrice, Thursday, and all the rest of that garbage. Harsh? Me? You ain't seen nothin yet bitches.

2. Girls. Why girls? Because girls, no matter if they are 'women' still act like assholes. No, I'm not even talking about my ex. I'm just saying... in general they suck. (and by suck I'm not referring to sucking dicks. Haven't you heard? Nice girls don't do that anymore. Awesome.) By the way, watch out for my dripping, honey smothered sarcasm.

3. Meetings. Meetings are for people who like to talk about work instead of actually doing the work. I'm forced to have meetings where I am the speaker and I detest it. How about this? I'll send an email out and you will read that email, which in turn, if you can read... you will carry out the assignment with gusto. The alternative is we can all gather in a room where I picture setting you all on fire instead.

4. Hearts. Why do I even have one? They suck. I know... I know... they pump blood and all that crap. Fine. Hearts... you win.

5. Anxiety/ waiting. Have you seen 500 days of Summer? There's this part where Joseph Bingo Chavez or whatever his name is goes to see Zooey She & Him and they split the screen into reality and expectations. Whoever wrote that may be the greatest mind on Earth. I will soon become the type of person that never expects anything because expectations are heartbreak in a can.

6. Relationships. Actually, I love them and I'd like one. Yoo Hoo...anyone out there looking for a slightly used guy with a mustache? I'm whiskey and cigarette scented if it helps.

Hobo with a shotgun and a lie.

Seriously, I'm addicted to this film. It isn't good. It isn't smart. It's perfect. It fulfills my vigilante dark side. Aw, c'mon... don't look at me that way. We all have a vigilante dark side. Right? I mean... you do, right? Hey... where you going??!!

In other news, I finally got my sex change.

Kidding.

Dirty Carl Show Vol.15

http://www.mediafire.com/?gb3lr5pzf7q51c9

Click here to maim a tyrant

Hey kids! It's been exactly 12 years since we humans thought that all computers and radar technologies would fail, causing us to spiral into a new dark age.

Just like when I'm hanging out with the chicks... nothing happened and we carried about like lemmings anxiously awaiting robotic vacuums and hand held devices that do everything for you and such. How lazy and entitled have we become? Jesus... we can't even drive our vehicles without updating our statuses.

"I'm driving. Have to pee!" Ouch.

Anyway, I'm not sour on any of it because I still 'sweep' up my house, don't facebook, and still have a flip phone that doesn't text. To each their own. Now, I'd like you to have a listen to the Dirty Carl Show Volume # 15. It's a departure from the garage rock and sleazy beats I usually play. This one is perfect for relaxing while you switch on your Roomba and lazily gaze at its hypnotic movements. It also makes a great gift for your girlfriend!

Be advised: This show goes great with mimosas!

1. Allo Darlin' - Silver dollars

2. Cardigans - Plain parade

3. Zee Avi - Darlin' it ain't easy

4. Belle & Sebastian - There's too much love

5. Dirty Carl Break

6. Tennis - Down in the woods

7. Camera Obscura - Honey in the sun

8. Arctic Monkeys - That's where you're wrong

9. Best Coast - When you wake up

10. Girls - Laura

11. Jessica Lea Mayfield - Blue skies

12. The Strokes - Gratisfaction

13. Dirty Carl Break # 2

14. Marine Girls - Dishonesty

15. Tim Cohen - I come alive

16. Agent Ribbons - Ars moriendi

17. Dirty Carl Break # 3