Advice number 337

Own the room... or at least your own private part of it.

Beef Bologna is serious business!

Here's the back story... I saw this whatever year it was released and must've instantly forgotten about it, but...

the song "beef bologna" somehow became embedded in my psyche im the absolute worst way. I could be at the dentist in 1989 and I was singing the tune... in line at the DMV and there I am... beef bologna. Until tonight, it never dawned on me that I live in a day and age where I could google shit up.

Since we're taking a trip down memory lane... Salvatore... I'm glad I launched you off of that porch and your face bled the whole way down you fuckin' bully piece of shit.

And since we're just sitting around talking... ladies of the world, please try to make your man feel loved and interesting. It really blows when everyone else can see it but you.

I'm always against the goddamned wall, but I'll make sure it never falls.

Sandwitches and sad cake

http://www.mediafire.com/?zaojwh2z2j2

Click here to get the shells back

People will say things like this band reminds them of Velvet Underground... 60's girl groups... and all other music journalist descriptionary laziness, but honestly, this is a pretty good album from a trio of bay area beauties. There isn't any ground being broken here, but it's a comfortable listen and hopefully listening to this will get you to support their future efforts.

One of the ladies in this band was once romantically linked to Tim Cohen of the Fresh & Onlys. That's probably good enough for most people right there...

The fiery tears of St. Laurent

http://www.mediafire.com/?wynumnzyyto

Click here for milky magic

Oh, what's this? Another 7" release by everyones favorite Indian male? And he's brought a new friend along too? Well, sign me up!

Here's a nice little tribute to a man who decided not to turn away from Jesus... and paid the price. That took some balls dude. Balls. Not sure if it's true, but shooting stars are also known as the fiery tears of Saint Laurent. Nice.

Agent Ribbons and the star crossed doppelganger

http://www.mediafire.com/?zmkd3uzhzdk

Click here for the shank deflector

Not too long ago I enlightened a few folks by introducing them to Agent Ribbons, a band I learned about while trying to get Camera Obscura tickets. Well, it just so happened that Agent Ribbons was the opener for a lot of those shows.

Their debut record, "On time travel and romance" was an absolute gem from start to finish and still remains in VERY heavy rotation at Robot Manor. I hope that those friends of mine who heard it have gone out and gone to one of their shows and hopefully picked up some of their merch as well... they deserve it because they're a sweet bunch and they write fan-fucking-tastic songs!!!

Anyway, they've got a new record coming out soon called "Chateau Crone" and rumor has it that the vinyl is gonna be pretty nifty! Make sure you get out there and buy that or else I'll have to drop by your house... yeah, your house...

Agent Ribbons @ la plaça de la Virreina, Bcn from festucadaTV on Vimeo.

Stay tuned...

Service announcement # 836

Okay, shoot me. I know I haven't been posting too many albums lately and I've got good reason. It's called being busy and right now I'm busier than I've ever been before. Well, not as busy as when I spent that summer as *Jocelyn Wildenstein's plastic surgeon, but it's a close race.

In no particular order I'd like to offer a description of the lovely life of the robot...

Got a promotion at work. I am now the underboss. I work 600 million hours per week. I am not stressed. It's a natural thing. I was recently verbally attacked by a homosexual man in a patent leather, sleeveless shirt. He was mad that his $700.00 sunglasses were broken by another patron. It was 8:00 at night. I wanted to ask why he needed sunglasses when it was dark outside? He was lame, but apparently in the world of hair stylists and sleeveless clothing, he is an important figure. His shirt had designs that suggested that he was a high ranking official in some sort of military division. His shirt was a terrible liar. I held in my laughter knowing his glasses were actually broken by someone else as they walked by and kicked them after they had fallen to the ground. Ouch. Is there some sort of medicine to to prevent being a clueless moron? Yes you say? Well, I'll have a case of it!

I do not respect sunglasses at night. It's a lame thing to do and it is so overly unimpressive that it can only be compared to a heavyset and emotionally disturbed young woman doling out hand jobs in an alleyway for hot dog money. Maybe that's harsh?

Anyway, don't wear sunglasses at night because nothing is worse than trying too hard... and trust me, everybody knows when you're trying too hard. Only secrecy and a bashful politeness stop them from telling you.

What else? I protected a very scared man from getting his ass kicked by another guy on a train station platform tonight. I told him to stand behind me and not to worry. I didn't even really know why someone wanted to hurt him. I just knew that in the event of danger, my moustache would transform into an army of cranky ninjas and tear shit up. It's happened before, but due to government secrecy it was reported as the 1994 Northridge quake. Damn this shadowy existence of mine.

I know other things have been going on... but instead of me telling you, look into the following "googleable" things that have floated my boat over the past month or so:

1. Dr. McNinja

2. Nerve City

3. Asiago cheese

4. Naked Juice: Gold Machine

5. Bicycling

6. Wanting to pleasure myself, but not doing it. Not really.

Okay kids, see ya soon!

*Here you go. See how busy I was?

Shitstorm: Table for one

There is a very bad moon rising right now.

Update 6-4-2010:

Rodriguez.

http://www.mediafire.com/?zdmyme4dbwy

Click here for good grass

Now, here's a little Detroit grown folk-pop masterpiece that was completely overlooked upon its release. Of course Rodriguez has always had a core group of followers, but while the Dylan's of the world became iconic, Rodriguez always came off like the drunk dude at the end of the bar. His presence started becoming known among todays kids when the Fresh & Onlys backed him on his 2009 tour.

Fun fact: After quitting the business, he had no idea that he went platinum in South Africa until his daughter found a write up on the internet.

Funner fact: Television's Mr. Rogers wore those cardigans to cover up a bunch of forearm tattoos he got while in the service. He has fuck New York written on his chest.

Disclaimer: I made up the part about his chest, but at least I succeeded at making you, a grown dude, think about an old mans chest. Ewww!

*She's only been awake and talking to me for less than five minutes and already I've been asked about why I didn't do this or do that etc; -Fuck. Boys, be careful who you marry...you may not be what they want.

Announcement # 458

If I could give any particular advice... it would be to make a splash wherever you go. It shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks as long as you conduct yourself in a good manner. Do the right things and don't worry about waiting for thanks to come. As long as you feel good about yourself, don't worry about the naysayers... they'll come around. If they don't? Well... they'll just spend their years saying nay.

Also, it feels terrible to feel forgotten.