Dead Ghosts.

Click here for a lock of that James Brown hair.


If you don't have this record you cannot honestly tell anyone that you like Rock N' Roll. Nuff' said.

Five years of Oh,Robot. Really?

Two days ago, on May 23rd, this blog celebrated its 5 year anniversary. I failed to recognize the milestone because as robots are known to do... I was celebrating something entirely different.

I was celebrating zombies, whiskey, and cigarettes because that's all I have at this very moment. However, the zombies are getting a little restless and hungry. I just don't know what to do with them exactly. Their food isn't particularly easy to get and if I just up and let them loose, I'm not sure if I can get them all back. I've been slacking with getting them microchipped. I know... I'm an irresponsible pet owner.

Anyway, gang... I hope you all enjoy what I do and sincerely hope that I get to do this for another five years.

Thee Dirty Carl Show # 20 (You might have to drive home, but I hope not)

Click here because Leslie Neilsen commands you to.

DIrty Carl loves you

Obligatory Statement:

This shit will rock your fucking socks off of your feet.

Regular statement:

Hey guys and gals, it's me again. Don't worry... I'm not mad that I wasn't invited to your birthday party last week. The folks at that restaurant don't particularly dig me anyway. For some reason unknown to me, eateries shun people pulling out spay cans and drawing large scale robots on their walls. Go figure?

This is the Dirty Carl Show Volume twenty. This means I've done this more than nineteen times. Math... it's only important when your counting. Yeah...

The internet isn't the devils playground musically so much these days, but we'll manage. Wait... actually, it still is. I just wanted to seem empathetic for a change.

Do me a favor, will ya? Play this at that moment where the squares have all gone home and the super duty motherfuckers are left in the room with their like minded cohorts. Somebody's gonna puke, I'm sure. 

1. The Feeling Of Love - I could be better than you
2. Cococoma - Messenger
3. Thee Oh Sees - Wrong idea
4. Pow Wows - I love my Goldifox
5. Blasted Canyons - Ice Cream man
6. Ty Segall - Johnny
7. The Mallard - Iggy Pop
8. Demons Claws - All three eyes
9. Fidlar - No waves
10. Bleeding Knees Club - Lipstick
11. Oblivians - No butter for my bread
12. Tyvek - Outer limits
13. Total Control - Rogue abortion
14. Ahlah La's - Catamaran
15. The Paperhead - Stacey Grove
16. White Fence - Latch Keys
17. Fresh & Onlys - I would not know the devil
18. Reigning Sound - Call me
19. The Beets - Now I live
20. Dinosaur Jr. - Feel the pain
21. Diamond Rugs - Totally lonely
22. Mastabeta - Lies and deception
23. Adam Green - What a waster

Puberty - Parties

Side project of The Intelligence.

Good people

Here I am with my daughters. If I could do anything today... I would destroy liars. Then, when I was done I'd take these two girls out for a jam packed day of awesome!

We're a happy family. I cannot honestly say why we are not a unit right now because the reasons I was given are such fabrication that they make as much sense as a blind dude saying "see you tomorrow!"

While I'm at it... it makes less sense than a deaf guy saying "I hear that!"
or a severed head complaining about leg cramps
or Richard Simmons stealing my girl
or Ronald McDonald giving up make up
or Jack White's duet with Alicia Keys
or those clear whore shoes that "sexy" chicks wear. Yuck.

I could do this all damn day.

Dads: Keep fighting. You'll see it'll all work out for you. Patience is key.

Video time!

Mastabeta - Good Idea


Alex Turner - Love is a laser quest


Gene Vincent - Spaceship to Mars


Louis CK - Saddest handjob

Latest build: Lt. Uhura

63' Mercier Limited Edition Kilo TT (fixed gear)
Brooks B-17 saddle with matching bar tape
Thick Slick Tires
There was supposed to be a set of the wood grain Velocity Deep V rims, but the budget couldn't handle it.
My client assusred me he's saving up for them as we speak.

He has named it Lt. Uhura

I call this one "Monster Advance"

I wish the lies would cease. Then I could fall asleep and dream about nice things for a change.

The Dirty Carl Show Vol.19 (Upstart girls: The Parisian edition)

Click here to buy Kimya a bike.
Click it douche burger :)



Yeah! (sorry, I thought I'd start this post on an unusually positive and excited note.)

Did you hear? Rick Astley died today. Sad. Anyway, here is the latest Dirty Carl Show for you beautiful goons. I barely recall making it, but that don't mean shit.

All you have to do is press play and act like yourself. Easy peasy my main motherfraggers! Just do it.

By the way Rick Astley is alive and well. We had an hour long phone conversation today and he expressed the following:

"I Never have I hated my life so fucking much.
I'm gonna have to make some changes.
I'd give the shirt off of my back to a friend, but no one would do it for me.
Fuck you! It's what I say to my so called friends.
I'm up, but I'd rather be asleep. It's so late right now. London's dreary...
I'll never leave though. I'm here forever, I guess.
I'm gonna really try to make it all right with God... and my mum.
Some say I'm a one hit wonder, but I have other songs, you know?
Shit... goodbye to fame if I can't write one more hit. I hope I can.
I'll never be able to top the big one, you know? I'll try halfheartedly...
I'm gonna go to the studio first thing tomorrow.
It'll turn around, won't it Carl?
I'm around... I haven't gone away or anything like that. I've been here.
Me and my cats. That's all I have to show after this whole ridiculous ride...
I hurt. Really badly. I'm so lonely.
Are you even listening??!!"


At that point I grew really sleepy so I told him we'd talk tomorrow. He didn't take it well.

Enjoy the Dirty Carl Show Volume # 19 (and your Rick Roll)


This wasn't my idea, but I liked it enough to make my own salad from it :)

Here I am...

*Tracklist upon request.

Happiness is a warm...

How to Pick Your Right Girl

▪ She is attractive, of course, but is that her chief asset? (Try to imagine her ten years from today.)

▪ Do you want her because she is popular–because other men have wanted her? (Don’t be a copy-cat!)

▪ Could you spend seven consecutive evenings in her company without being bored? (If the answer is affirmative, it is a good sign.)

▪ Do you have similar tastes in most things?

▪ Is she a good sport?

▪ Is she reasonably healthy?

▪ Is she a flirt? Does she make you jealous? (Decide whether you can stand the strain; your jealously will persist until you grow indifferent.)

▪ Are you constantly irritated by some small mannerism of hers? (You can’t be terribly in love.)

▪ Does she tell lies? Do you mind?

▪ Is she a nag?

▪ Is she quarrelsome? (The Bible warns, “It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop than with a brawling woman in a wide house.”)

▪ Is she hard on other people? (Don’t judge by her behavior to you.)

▪ Is she trying to reform you? How do you feel about being reformed?

▪ Has she tried to boss you? (Maybe you need a boss.)

▪ Would she put up with all your faults if she knew them?

▪ When you quarrel, who capitulates first? (A combination of two stubborn mules is bad.)

▪ Do you agree on children, or a career, or both? (Better settle this beforehand.)

▪ Does she expect you to support her in a definite style? Could you count on her cooperation in hard times? Would she go to work if necessary?

▪ Will she help you get ahead? Or will she pull you away from your work?

▪ Can she handle money?

▪ If you marry her, will you also be marrying her family?

▪ Does she let you get around to see your old pals? (If you have been too infatuated to notice, make it a point of finding out.)

▪ Are you proud to present her to your friends? (If not, reconsider.)

▪ Do you hope to reform her? (Give up the idea. People change, but not according to plan.)

▪ Do you know her faults? Are you willing to live with them?

▪ Do you still think her perfect? (You’re wrong, of course, but marry!)