Only on Christmas...

Well hello there boys and girls, it's your old pal Dirty CARL here to wish you a very happy holiday on this stupid, piece of shit day we call Christmas. Now, I know what you're thinking... "Carl, how can you say that about Christmas? It's the birthday of baby Jesus!" Not the religious type? Ne neither. Maybe you're thinking "Carl, Christmas time is a time for families to be together and exchange gifts. It's the one day where everyone puts their differences aside and remembers how much they love each other."

If you're thinking that, then you've hit the nail on the head, which coincidentally sends it through a hand, which in turn drives it into a crudely fashioned cross. Am I going to Hell? Certainly folks!

Anyway, this is the second Christmas where I find myself wishing I was hanging from a tree because I don't get to spend it with my children. It's the second Christmas that I get to depressedly stare at the pile of gifts that I bought for them and sink into this completely blackened muck of a state of mind.

Don't worry too much though. I'm like a cockroach. Nuclear blasts can't stop the kid.

Dirty Carl Show Vol. 25

Hi'ya folks! You'll know what to do from here.

Dirty Carl Show Vol. 25
Track list in the comments.

Today's Yum!

Say no at first... but I dare any red blooded, 'hated by bro's male' to deny the fact that if you were having a shitty time anywhere... and this showed up... station wagon, with wood panel and all... that you wouldn't tell your friends that you were in love?

Yeah, I noticed the defnined chin.
Where else will your balls fall so comfortably?
Think gentlemen... think.

Do I have to travel all the way to Scotland?

This is dedicated...

... to a lot of ladies. But like Highlander...

Mastabeta - Drive train

Touch me with your mouse and click to hear Drive Train by Mastabeta

Hello.

Hello to all of you. This includes my vintage readers as well as my newer friends. I picked today to write a message to you. I'll begin.

I guess the first thing I should do is address the reason I haven't made this site a free for all download spot in a long time. Simply put, I'd love to spend more time uploading and sharing my ass off, but as luck would have it, my outside of the internet life needs a great deal of attention and at the end of the day I simply don't have the energy to lift a pencil, much less scour the record bins trying to find that rare 60's garage stomper "Baby likes leather" by Alfred and the Nubile Chums.*

That's not to say that I won't drop a little gem here and there. For close to a year and a half I've been wetting myself over this mixtape series I've been doing called The Dirty Carl Show. I hope you folks have taken advantage of the series. I for one enjoy them when cocktailling.

As always, I'm true to you. I hope you dig what I'm doing and I also hope that you look both ways while crossing the street. Cars. They hurt.

Anyway, keep riding your bikes, loving your women, telling the truth, staying fed, and giving it your best shot!


Sincerely,
OhRobot.

*Not a real band

My favorite guy from World War Z

Paul Redeker/Xolelwa Azania: Designer of the Redeker Plan; the public pictured him as a heartless man, although this is still being debated on. Called an angel and a devil because of his plan, seeing as he was willing to sacrifice thousands to save the human race. Many members of the South African government opposed his plan but were convinced after Nelson Mandela embraced Redeker stating that "This man will save our people." Subsequently went insane and began living under the identity Xolelwa Azania.

Segall Eaters hate kids

Ty Segall and Seth Hutton of Useless Eaters 7" on Nashville's Dead records. Wowsers, man!

The Dirty Carl Show Vol. 24 - Beasts.

                                            Click here for Dirty Carl # 24

Okay folks, Carl is a drunkard. Yep. Now that that little hidden fact is blown for cover, I'd like y'all to cocktail heavily to this. It's Dirty Carl # 24 and it's guaranteed to have you looking for your socks once they've been thoroughly rocked off.

You could be alone, but it's better if you ain't. You don't wanna waste all that ridiculous dancing alone, do you?

Break out your old cassingles, baby!

I heard about this from some fellow music appreciators at MESSMEUP. Not a bad idea considering cassettes are popular right now and some releases are cassette only. It seems a little bulky, but I don't know anyone who complained about their Walkman.

Read about this shit...

Yummy.

Where is the ass and the tits.

Nowhere is where, bro.

Just imagine the moment portrayed.

Really.

You'll get your smile.

I like bikes!

Golden State

My Kitchen

Her name is Meg.

It's gonna be a hipster winter.

This isn't the normal thing I write about, but this weekend at Target you'll be able to pick up these limited edition Warhol soup cans as a tribute to his (easy money) 32 Soup Cans installation. Something tells me that a whole lot of cats will have these as decoration in their lofts, studios, flats, and cardboard boxes. Well, maybe that last bunch would be more inclined to eat what's in the can.

Fuck you. Hip Hop ain't dead.

JJ Doom - Guvnor



I'm so happy to see that some folks have no idea what's popular and just continue to do what they know how to do. MF... thank you very much.

Videos of the week!

Spinal Tap - Gimme some money


Evil Dead 2 - Eye pop!


LSD Experiments


Morrissey - I want the one I can't have

The Story of Earth Girl Helen Brown

Click here for purity ring removal

Every once in a while a record will come out that bowls me over. Usually these types of records aren't very good, but they have a certain something that tickles me. Story of an Earth Girl by Earth Girl Helen Brown is one of those albums.

It's not even a real record. It's not even a real band. I mean, yeah, it's a human being with breasts and a vagina singing and a flesh and blood backing band supplying the back beat...

In reality, Helen Brown is really Heidi Alexander of the Sandwitches joined by Sonny Smith and Co. This was probably a one off project, but I sure hope not.

There is a song called Hit after Hit on this album that makes me feel... well, sultry as Hell and that ain't no easy task my friends.

Sunday morning yum!

I'm marinating some pork chops. I'm starving. Too bad it's a dinner for one. I'm feeling physical this morning.

And here's a personal thought worth sharing... I no longer find blonde women horrible. In fact, they catch my eye quite a bit these days. Blame it on April's showers. Blame it on LA. 

Dirty Carl Show # 23

Click here for nipple clean up

Hey there knuckle draggers, it's me... your old pal Carl. I don't have a great deal to tell you, but for the sake of conversation...

I killed a man last night.

Enjoy The Dirty Carl Show Volume # 23. It's a rocker for those dog day afternoons. Just click the link and get out of the stink!

1. Doctor Fine - Bob Seger System
2. Death trip - JT. IV
3. New connection - Useless Eaters
4. You've no idea - Charlie and the Moonhearts
5. Pantyhose - Epsilons
6. Slave - The Germs
7. Sex beat - Gun Club
8. Can't sleep - John Wesley Coleman III
9. Drill - Oblivians
10. Carol Anne - Thee Oh Sees
11. Nike a go go - Misfits
12. Be a caveman - Ty Segall
13. Pain - Upholsterers
14. Tight squeeze - Useless Eaters
15. Plump righteous - King Khan & BBQ
16. Ain't no woman - The Flies
17. Higher - The Memories
18. Green balloon - White Fence
19. No sugar mama - Von Bondies
20. Call me - Reigning Sound
21. You're doing it with her - Rhetta Hughes
22. You made a believer out of me - Ruby Andrews
23. Back End - MF Doom
24. The loner - Mastabeta
25. If I didn't care - Tiny Tim (outro)

Is this a good idea?

Or is it a "free rape" pass if she forgets to fill it out and the cabbie's a degenerate? Without a doubt.

Bad idea. Also a good idea (if the cabbie is swell and harmless). Not the rape part, asshole.

If you ever rape someone you deserve a dick chop that every scimitar in the land will be jealous of. If a girl wants to fuck you, she will and she'll know pretty early on. No amount of flowers, sweet poems, or money will change her mind unless she's a soulless fly trap. Who wants that anyway? Even if she does have a great ass...