oh, robot

Things I dislike right now.

2012-01-31T20:05:00.000-08:00

There are probably too many to list here for now, but here's a smattering. I know, you're reading this and thinking to yourself "Oh, who has time to hate anything? We all need to get along..."

Sorry pussy. If I'm hurting you... I'll call up the W-A-A-A-mbulance and get that slit sewn right up. Okay, done? Let's move on.

1. Bands who are not Rock N' Roll, but claim to be even though they sound like Thrice, Thursday, and all the rest of that garbage. Harsh? Me? You ain't seen nothin yet bitches.

2. Girls. Why girls? Because girls, no matter if they are 'women' still act like assholes. No, I'm not even talking about my ex. I'm just saying... in general they suck. (and by suck I'm not referring to sucking dicks. Haven't you heard? Nice girls don't do that anymore. Awesome.) By the way, watch out for my dripping, honey smothered sarcasm.

3. Meetings. Meetings are for people who like to talk about work instead of actually doing the work. I'm forced to have meetings where I am the speaker and I detest it. How about this? I'll send an email out and you will read that email, which in turn, if you can read... you will carry out the assignment with gusto. The alternative is we can all gather in a room where I picture setting you all on fire instead.

4. Hearts. Why do I even have one? They suck. I know... I know... they pump blood and all that crap. Fine. Hearts... you win.

5. Anxiety/ waiting. Have you seen 500 days of Summer? There's this part where Joseph Bingo Chavez or whatever his name is goes to see Zooey She & Him and they split the screen into reality and expectations. Whoever wrote that may be the greatest mind on Earth. I will soon become the type of person that never expects anything because expectations are heartbreak in a can.

6. Relationships. Actually, I love them and I'd like one. Yoo Hoo...anyone out there looking for a slightly used guy with a mustache? I'm whiskey and cigarette scented if it helps.

Hobo with a shotgun and a lie.

2012-01-26T12:35:00.001-08:00

Seriously, I'm addicted to this film. It isn't good. It isn't smart. It's perfect. It fulfills my vigilante dark side. Aw, c'mon... don't look at me that way. We all have a vigilante dark side. Right? I mean... you do, right? Hey... where you going??!!

In other news, I finally got my sex change.

Kidding.

Dirty Carl Show Vol.15

2012-01-04T13:42:00.000-08:00

http://www.mediafire.com/?gb3lr5pzf7q51c9

Click here to maim a tyrant

Hey kids! It's been exactly 12 years since we humans thought that all computers and radar technologies would fail, causing us to spiral into a new dark age.

Just like when I'm hanging out with the chicks... nothing happened and we carried about like lemmings anxiously awaiting robotic vacuums and hand held devices that do everything for you and such. How lazy and entitled have we become? Jesus... we can't even drive our vehicles without updating our statuses.

"I'm driving. Have to pee!" Ouch.

Anyway, I'm not sour on any of it because I still 'sweep' up my house, don't facebook, and still have a flip phone that doesn't text. To each their own. Now, I'd like you to have a listen to the Dirty Carl Show Volume # 15. It's a departure from the garage rock and sleazy beats I usually play. This one is perfect for relaxing while you switch on your Roomba and lazily gaze at its hypnotic movements. It also makes a great gift for your girlfriend!

Be advised: This show goes great with mimosas!

1. Allo Darlin' - Silver dollars

2. Cardigans - Plain parade

3. Zee Avi - Darlin' it ain't easy

4. Belle & Sebastian - There's too much love

5. Dirty Carl Break

6. Tennis - Down in the woods

7. Camera Obscura - Honey in the sun

8. Arctic Monkeys - That's where you're wrong

9. Best Coast - When you wake up

10. Girls - Laura

11. Jessica Lea Mayfield - Blue skies

12. The Strokes - Gratisfaction

13. Dirty Carl Break # 2

14. Marine Girls - Dishonesty

15. Tim Cohen - I come alive

16. Agent Ribbons - Ars moriendi

17. Dirty Carl Break # 3

Happy Holidays from Dirty Carl!

2011-12-28T12:12:00.000-08:00

Remember: Don't drink and drive this New Year's Holiday. You run the risk of puking in your car and that smell lingers even after a few cleanings. You'll never get laid again, plus you won't be able to listen to my show. That's way worse than no below the belt wranglin'. isn't it?

Dirty Carl Show Vol. # 14

2011-12-18T20:34:00.001-08:00

http://filesonic.com/file/4230546174/Dirty_Carl_Show_Vol.14.mp3
Click here to warm those nuts.

It's almost Christmas time... a time where even the most dark hearted Satanists come together and exchange gifts, sit around the cauldron, and make sweety sweet love to corpses. Wait... what?

I actually don't remember what I was going to say so I'll improvise as best I can...

Aw, fuck it. Kim Jong died today. I like trains. Here's the latest addidtion to the Dirty Carl radio hour... # 14... it ain't for sissies or bitchy cunties. Really... what the fuck am I saying?

BE ADVISED: This show is great with whiskey!

1. Ty Segall - Cherry Red
2. Sic Alps - L'Mansion
3. Reigning Sound - Lyin' girl
4. Tyvek - 4312
5. Germs - Richie Dagger's crime
6. John Wesley Coleman - Come on cops
7. King Khan & BBQ - Pig pig
8. Last Year's Men - In my car
9. Miss Ludella Black - This heart is condemned
10. Moonhearts - I hate myself
11. Mummies - I'm down
12. Oblivians - Dearest darling
13. Pow Wows - Do the splash
14. Shannon & The Clams - Sleep talk
15. Strange Boys - Poem Party
16. Thee Oh Sees - Wrong idea
17. Tijuana Panthers - Don't shoot your guns
18. Traditional Fools - Rock N' Roll baby
19. Des Roar - Tunnel of love
20. Cramps - Save it
21. Coachwhips - Goodnight good buy

Think I'm kidding?

Dirty Carl Show # 13: Halloween 2011

2011-10-27T02:24:00.000-07:00

Click here for nonsensical German explanations

http://www.mediafire.com/?r6lkt9lye4tuh1w

Hello folks, it's time for another round of my radio show.... The Dirty Carl Radio Hour!

This particular episode is a little bit longer than an hour, but I'm sure you won't mind one bit.

I've had a pretty rough October, but I'm looking to turn that around. Now, if only Highlyann would have any desire to recreate that one beautiful Thanksgiving we shared... I'd be game. Actually... no. It was a cool day though.

Here is what you're in for:

1. Dirty carl intro,

2. Agent Ribbons - Your love is the smallest doll

3. Ben Wolcott - Someday (Strokes cover)

4. The Oh Sees - If I stay too long

5. Spectrals - Bonus jam

6. Adam Green - What a waster

7. The Cardigans - Sabbath bloody sabbath

8. Demons Claws - It's over

7. White Fence - Growing faith

8. Girls - Lust for life

9. Strange Boys - Me and you

10. Camera Obscura - If looks could kill

11. Jesus and Mary Chain - Surfin' USA

12. Mastabeta - No hits

13. Cooley & Munson - Sightly Sue

14. Magic Kids - Candy

15. Des Roar - Paranoia

16. Fresh & Onlys - Arms advice

17. Karen Elson - The ghost who walks

18. Mikal Cronin - Is it alright

19. Tom Carlisle - The look of nothing

Oh yeah... boo!

Video of the week!

2011-10-26T11:52:00.000-07:00

Attention witches:

2011-10-11T21:05:00.000-07:00

Your day is just around the corner.

Des Roar - The watchers

2011-10-06T00:08:00.000-07:00

Click here to rid yourself of the nag.

http://www.mediafire.com/?a65cb0oiu3r3z8l

The Detroit Cobras, Dan Sartain, Ty Segall, The Greenhornes.... all highly respected bands, agreed?

Gringo Starr, Doppelganger, Two Tears, Dead Sparrows... all bands you should know more about, agreed?

What does all of this name dropping aim to prove? Well, for one thing it proves that Des Roar has been quietly fluttering beneath the radar for quite some time touring constantly with these bands, but it has indeed been enough time for these NYC Rock N' Rollers to embed themselves within a scene so fickle it may dump you a minute after you ask it to the prom. Guess what? Des Roar have a whole bag of corsets to supply your little young frames with and nothing suffers because of it.

What we have here is a band that has made music from the standpoint that a glass of Powers whiskey atop a bar has. The glass of beautiful booze is looking out at the crowd and you know beyond the shadow of a doubt that it's making fun of you, but not in a mean spirited way. No dude... it just wants you to have a good time and it wants to get you laid. There is no difference between it and the music of Des Roar.

(Don't mind the Gorillaz-esque artowrk)

Like a tagged up locomotive this band rumbles down the track. Sure, they're not breaking any new ground, but they ain't no copy cats either. What we have here is a solid Rock N' Roll record from a gang of kids who've adopted the LES as their place to be for the past decade or so.

That's not to say that they've abandoned their West coast sunshine and surf roots... no way man. This entire record is equal parts sun, surf, and subway train. It's easily the soundtrack to fucking, fighting, drinking, and breaking up. In fact, I'd be surprised if some douche bag record company guy didn't make a slimy appearance at the next ten of their shows just trying to coerce them into signing the wrong type of deal where their tunes are lent to reality shows to give those show insta-cred, but Ben, Ryan, Lyla, and Alan know so much better. They know that money isn't king. They know that as customers of Rock N' Roll, they need to provide something a whole lot better than all the rest of the shit clogging up peoples Ipod's.

Folks, the Robot has NEVER given you a bad road to follow. I've covered this band in the past and have done so with no expectation of having people disagree. Hold on...

ATTENTION OH ROBOT READERS:

Enjoy The Watchers by Des Roar!

R.I.Y.L. Detroit Cobras, Jesus and Mary chain, The (old) Strokes, Ty Segall, and the like...

And don't forget to check Kloke Records here.

It's their first release and what a strong first release it is!

http://www.klokerecords.com/

Who is Dirty Carl? This is lust potion # 9

2011-08-11T11:00:00.000-07:00

http://www.mediafire.com/?asgnhe4nq5d3y4c
Click here for hobo cologne

Hey gang, it's been a while, but that don't mean we can't still steal a car and hang out, right? Cool... I didn't think you were that lame. A lot has happened since we last spoke, but I'm still alive and that's what matters most.

How's Rock n' Roll these days, huh? As far as I can tell it ain't too good with all this electronical bleep and bloop going around lately. Then there's all that moany, gothy, bloop bleep. Jesus, does anyone still play guitar with purpose anymore?

I swear, it it wasn't for San Francisco, garage rock would take that exit door it takes every couple of years. We don't want that. No sir.

Anyway, I've been busy sure, but I started doing a little radio show that I think some of you guys and gals will enjoy. It's called the Dirty Carl Show and I will be your host... Dirty Carl. I'm handsome, love dogs, and haven't had tail in a million years. Take me home to your momma!

Enjoy show # 9. Leave a comment.

1. King Lollipop - Cheeseburger and fries

2. Agent Ribbons - Chelsea, let's go join the circus

3. April March - Moto Shag

4. Jeffrey Novak - Queen of moods

5. Earth Girl Helen Brown - I wanna do it

6. Charles Manson - Never say never to always

7. John Wesley Coleman - Basketball

8. Exrays - Everything goes

9. Fresh & Onlys - Come dance with me

10. Personal and The Pizzas - I don't wanna be no personal pizza

11. White Fence - Growing faith

12. Ty Segall - I got stoned

13. Libertines - Seven deadly sins

14. Sonic Chicken Four - Cool song

15. Belle & Sebastian - Step into my office, baby

16. Cardigans - Plain parade

17. Dr. Dog - My old ways

18. Zombies - What more can I do

19. Camera Obscura - Eighties fan

20. Misty Morgan - Strange new world

21. Magic Kids - Hey boy

22. Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players - Look at me

23. Morrissey - You were good in your time

24. Dirty Carl Break

So, that's where it went... shit!

2011-02-28T12:31:00.000-08:00

I don't know about you, but I've had my share of bikes stolen from me. Now I know who did it. He's still likable and honestly, all he'd have to do is ask instead of walking around with those heavy bolt cutters.

Greg Cartwright and TGL.

2011-02-28T12:19:00.000-08:00

http://www.mediafire.com/?j58q6pwdyuuvyki

Click here for more butter

Last year the ever prolific Greg Cartwright released a live album at a little bar in Milwaukee entitled Greg Cartwright live at the Circle A. While it didn't blow me away, it was still cool to hear him in such an intimate setting. The high point however is the crowd itself... he must have been pumped to have such a group of people sitting cross legged at his feet.

Anyway, this is the 7 inch that came with that album as a nice little bonus. It features three songs which are cool takes on early Compulsive Gamblers, Oblivians, and his solo tunes. He's backed by The Goodnight Loving who I am not a fan of, but can still admit that they did a fine job at backing a legend.

Brilliant... Colors

2011-02-28T12:10:00.000-08:00

http://www.mediafire.com/?j58q6pwdyuuvyki

Click here for ladybug pecks.

It's the day after the Academy Awards and I'm tired. I worked security for the event and the whole day was full of self important bung holes who never cease to amaze you with their inflated sense of self. Oh, you are the assistant to Justin Timberlake? So? Ah, you do Suzanne Summers make up... I'm sorry for you for having such a shit job.

Anyway, the first thing I did when I woke up this morning was put this on and feel better about the world.

PS. This 7 inch was recorded by Ty Segall in San Francisco.

Well, well, well... there's a spark.

2011-01-10T11:58:00.000-08:00

Hello loyal readers. I hope that everyone had a great Christmas and a safe and happy New Year! I can't say that I had either. In fact, my holidays were terrible and spent completely alone. Actually, I rang in the exact point it became 2011 in a women's restroom with two chicks who were passed out on the cold tile floor. One of them even had diarrhea! Good times, right? I didn't know them, but me and some other guys were kicking them out of the place. 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!!!! *insert fart sound right abut here.

So, to update you all... my wife has officially separated from me. She will be taking my children across the country. My dogs will go too. I will end up living in a rented room above a strip club or something like that when she's through with me. How can I be so calm? Well, when I go to sleep at night I'll do it with a clear mind and an open heart. Or is that a broken heart? I'll get through it all because I didn't cause this, depression did.

That said, if you or someone you know suffers from it, the best thing you can do is get them help because you may lose them to it as I have.

Now, we're pretending to be be friends. It kills me every moment of the day because obviously we still live under the same roof. The silver lining of this is that I get to live with my children and I love them more than anything... except my wife, who is the top of the pyramid. I love her equally. I wish I had a genie or something that could help me out, but I don't. The sands are slipping through the hourglass and I can't stop it.

Am I single? Who knows, but I'm quite sure no lady is going to be interested in the wounded animal type, you know? I'm not really interested in seeing anyone anyway. I just want the wife back. Or do I really?

You all have been very patient with me while I've been sorting myself out so I'd like to do something nice for you, except I don't know exactly what. Let's just say I'm working on it.

RAD

Click this for an audio representation of how I feel about my life right now. Make sure your speakers are on for the proper effect.

Also, a good pal of mine named Tyler has started something up aimed at the reader types out there. Check it out right here you goddamned sissies!

This may be the last time...

2010-11-07T19:56:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone,

I'm sorry that I haven't been updating as much as I used to. I've been busy trying to repair a very broken life. Don't lose faith in me to return soon with some real rock n' roll, but for now I'm taking a break to sort some personal business out.

I'll let Greg Cartwright do the rest of the talking...

I feel like watchin' videos tonight

2010-09-17T01:57:00.000-07:00

Vince Taylor - Shakin' all over

The Cramps - The way I walk

Misfits - Hybrid moments

The Damned - Love song

Two Star Tabernacle - Itchy

Flash & The Memphis Casuals - Uptight tonight

AWESOME KARATE BONUS ROUND

Earthlings.

2010-08-31T13:13:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, today's post isn't music, unless the sound of electric bolt guns, moaning, yelping, and things of that nature are considered music to your ears. As a reader of this blog, I should hope not, unless we're talking about awesome, racket making bands like The Coachwhips. I like to imagine you all as cool, artistic folks, that believe in love and shit like that.

http://www.watchearthlings.com/

(I couldn't embed this, so you'll have to follow the link)

I don't even know how I stumbled on this, as I hadn't even heard of it, but I thought that it might be good for everyone to watch. Of course, if you have a weak stomach I don't advise you to see this at all.

Because I fancy myself to be a good guy, this affected me a little, but was it enough for me to stop doing certain things that I do? Stop wearing certain things I wear? If it is going to happen, it's not going to be overnight.

This, much like my Last minutes with Odin video post a while back, did this weird, hypnotism thing where I was compelled, with no ability to stop, to hug my dogs so tightly that I might've made their eyes pop out. Animals. I. Love. You. and. I'm. Sorry.

Sonic Chicken 4

2010-08-28T13:05:00.000-07:00

http://www.mediafire.com/?5v3dd148adit0b2

France... the birthplace of striped shirts, people who eat frog legs, and mimes. Well, what do you know? There's a garage rock scene too! Hoooo-rah!

Always the bridesmaid... a singles series.

2010-08-07T11:39:00.000-07:00

http://www.mediafire.com/?y5tb7pmq6bt4emj

Click here for less pee in yer knickers

I've been a fan of this hyper-literate Portland based band for a long time and while I wasn't thrilled with their last full length "The Hazards of love" I absolutely adore this batch of tunes that was released in a set of three vinyl albums. Buy them all because the cover art is well done and you will always be okay if you pull one out of the sleeve and place it on your turn table right before making love to a sweet lass who smells of apricot and sadness. Her eyes will be wetter than the sea for you... and the happiness you shower down upon her will nudge her toward her blossom.

Some people will not like this band simply because they either don't enjoy the singers vocal delivery or because they just can't understand lyrics like:

You had a charming air
All cheap and debonair
My widowed mother found so sweet
And so she took you in
Her sheets still warm with him
Now filled with filth and foul disease
As time wore on you proved
A debt-ridden drunken mess
Leaving my mother
A poor consumptive wretch
(oh, oh)

Whatever...

Who killed Captain Alex = Serious Business

2010-08-07T11:22:00.000-07:00

This is the trailer for Uganda's very first action movie. As you can see, the special effects are top notch and the fight choreography is nothing short of brilliant.

I showed this to a Ugandan friend and all he could say was...

Alalalalala ACTION!!!!!

PS. ... more tunes to come.

Advice number 337

2010-07-10T03:04:00.000-07:00

Own the room... or at least your own private part of it.

Beef Bologna is serious business!

2010-07-09T01:41:00.000-07:00

Here's the back story... I saw this whatever year it was released and must've instantly forgotten about it, but...

the song "beef bologna" somehow became embedded in my psyche im the absolute worst way. I could be at the dentist in 1989 and I was singing the tune... in line at the DMV and there I am... beef bologna. Until tonight, it never dawned on me that I live in a day and age where I could google shit up.

Since we're taking a trip down memory lane... Salvatore... I'm glad I launched you off of that porch and your face bled the whole way down you fuckin' bully piece of shit.

And since we're just sitting around talking... ladies of the world, please try to make your man feel loved and interesting. It really blows when everyone else can see it but you.

I'm always against the goddamned wall, but I'll make sure it never falls.

Sandwitches and sad cake

2010-07-09T01:03:00.000-07:00

http://www.mediafire.com/?zaojwh2z2j2

Click here to get the shells back

People will say things like this band reminds them of Velvet Underground... 60's girl groups... and all other music journalist descriptionary laziness, but honestly, this is a pretty good album from a trio of bay area beauties. There isn't any ground being broken here, but it's a comfortable listen and hopefully listening to this will get you to support their future efforts.

One of the ladies in this band was once romantically linked to Tim Cohen of the Fresh & Onlys. That's probably good enough for most people right there...

The fiery tears of St. Laurent

2010-07-09T00:53:00.000-07:00

http://www.mediafire.com/?wynumnzyyto

Click here for milky magic

Oh, what's this? Another 7" release by everyones favorite Indian male? And he's brought a new friend along too? Well, sign me up!

Here's a nice little tribute to a man who decided not to turn away from Jesus... and paid the price. That took some balls dude. Balls. Not sure if it's true, but shooting stars are also known as the fiery tears of Saint Laurent. Nice.

Agent Ribbons and the star crossed doppelganger

2010-07-09T00:37:00.000-07:00

http://www.mediafire.com/?zmkd3uzhzdk

Click here for the shank deflector

Not too long ago I enlightened a few folks by introducing them to Agent Ribbons, a band I learned about while trying to get Camera Obscura tickets. Well, it just so happened that Agent Ribbons was the opener for a lot of those shows.

Their debut record, "On time travel and romance" was an absolute gem from start to finish and still remains in VERY heavy rotation at Robot Manor. I hope that those friends of mine who heard it have gone out and gone to one of their shows and hopefully picked up some of their merch as well... they deserve it because they're a sweet bunch and they write fan-fucking-tastic songs!!!

Anyway, they've got a new record coming out soon called "Chateau Crone" and rumor has it that the vinyl is gonna be pretty nifty! Make sure you get out there and buy that or else I'll have to drop by your house... yeah, your house...

Agent Ribbons @ la plaça de la Virreina, Bcn from festucadaTV on Vimeo.

Stay tuned...

2010-07-04T02:16:00.000-07:00

Service announcement # 836

2010-06-26T20:53:00.000-07:00

Okay, shoot me. I know I haven't been posting too many albums lately and I've got good reason. It's called being busy and right now I'm busier than I've ever been before. Well, not as busy as when I spent that summer as *Jocelyn Wildenstein's plastic surgeon, but it's a close race.

In no particular order I'd like to offer a description of the lovely life of the robot...

Got a promotion at work. I am now the underboss. I work 600 million hours per week. I am not stressed. It's a natural thing. I was recently verbally attacked by a homosexual man in a patent leather, sleeveless shirt. He was mad that his $700.00 sunglasses were broken by another patron. It was 8:00 at night. I wanted to ask why he needed sunglasses when it was dark outside? He was lame, but apparently in the world of hair stylists and sleeveless clothing, he is an important figure. His shirt had designs that suggested that he was a high ranking official in some sort of military division. His shirt was a terrible liar. I held in my laughter knowing his glasses were actually broken by someone else as they walked by and kicked them after they had fallen to the ground. Ouch. Is there some sort of medicine to to prevent being a clueless moron? Yes you say? Well, I'll have a case of it!

I do not respect sunglasses at night. It's a lame thing to do and it is so overly unimpressive that it can only be compared to a heavyset and emotionally disturbed young woman doling out hand jobs in an alleyway for hot dog money. Maybe that's harsh?

Anyway, don't wear sunglasses at night because nothing is worse than trying too hard... and trust me, everybody knows when you're trying too hard. Only secrecy and a bashful politeness stop them from telling you.

What else? I protected a very scared man from getting his ass kicked by another guy on a train station platform tonight. I told him to stand behind me and not to worry. I didn't even really know why someone wanted to hurt him. I just knew that in the event of danger, my moustache would transform into an army of cranky ninjas and tear shit up. It's happened before, but due to government secrecy it was reported as the 1994 Northridge quake. Damn this shadowy existence of mine.

I know other things have been going on... but instead of me telling you, look into the following "googleable" things that have floated my boat over the past month or so:

1. Dr. McNinja

2. Nerve City

3. Asiago cheese

4. Naked Juice: Gold Machine

5. Bicycling

6. Wanting to pleasure myself, but not doing it. Not really.

Okay kids, see ya soon!

*Here you go. See how busy I was?

Shitstorm: Table for one

2010-06-03T11:22:00.001-07:00

There is a very bad moon rising right now.

Update 6-4-2010:

Rodriguez.

2010-05-31T09:09:00.000-07:00

http://www.mediafire.com/?zdmyme4dbwy

Click here for good grass

Now, here's a little Detroit grown folk-pop masterpiece that was completely overlooked upon its release. Of course Rodriguez has always had a core group of followers, but while the Dylan's of the world became iconic, Rodriguez always came off like the drunk dude at the end of the bar. His presence started becoming known among todays kids when the Fresh & Onlys backed him on his 2009 tour.

Fun fact: After quitting the business, he had no idea that he went platinum in South Africa until his daughter found a write up on the internet.

Funner fact: Television's Mr. Rogers wore those cardigans to cover up a bunch of forearm tattoos he got while in the service. He has fuck New York written on his chest.

Disclaimer: I made up the part about his chest, but at least I succeeded at making you, a grown dude, think about an old mans chest. Ewww!

*She's only been awake and talking to me for less than five minutes and already I've been asked about why I didn't do this or do that etc; -Fuck. Boys, be careful who you marry...you may not be what they want.

Announcement # 458

2010-05-29T02:55:00.000-07:00

If I could give any particular advice... it would be to make a splash wherever you go. It shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks as long as you conduct yourself in a good manner. Do the right things and don't worry about waiting for thanks to come. As long as you feel good about yourself, don't worry about the naysayers... they'll come around. If they don't? Well... they'll just spend their years saying nay.

Also, it feels terrible to feel forgotten.

Up the bracket!

2010-05-28T12:13:00.000-07:00

http://www.mediafire.com/?gmty2njwzye

Click here for Merkin consultation

I was just digging around my records the other day and I gave this one a listen. It holds up pretty well. If you never had a chance to listen to this band and your only knowledge of them comes via Pete Doherty's crack use and celebrity status... this was before all that. Well, maybe not the crack.

Enjoy Up the Bracket by The Libertines!

Videos of the week! The SF Edition

2010-05-28T11:27:00.000-07:00

Agent Ribbons - Amoeba SF

Vivian Girls - Amoeba SF

Rodriguez (backed by the Fresh & Onlys - Amoeba SF

Summer's here... right?

2010-05-27T12:10:00.000-07:00

And now, for absolutely no reason at all, here's a photograph of one of my daughters and I walking around a park. She's one of the apples of my eye, but this photo also looks like an action shot of a kidnapper at work. Being a daddy is awesome!

Window Twins

2010-05-27T11:19:00.000-07:00

http://www.mediafire.com/?m5jozin2mzg

Click here to improve your heckle.

Tim Cohen of the Fresh & Onlys and Jon Bernson of Black Fiction/ Ray's Vast Basement teamed up to form the Window Twins and release the album I am This Tall City.

I feel the need to state right away that this album in no way sounds like a F&O record. It actually sounds like The Two Sides of Tim Cohen LP released earlier his year. So, if you're into that sort of thing, you're going to love this, make your own diy t-shirt and impress your friends with your musical prowess. For me however, I'd like a bit less tinkering and a lot more guitar, but that's only because I'm a supporter of leather jackets, switchblades, and pinball machines.

If any of you bought the "In the Clouds" San Francisco compilation, you may have been totally enamored with a song from the Exray's called "Everything goes." That's Bernson's new stuff. By the way, your mom called and I told her you might be seeing your teacher. She just told me to make sure you get an A.

Also, this is not the album cover. However, I'd like to imagine Tim Cohen is pictured at right.

The Sound of Fury

2010-05-27T10:59:00.000-07:00

http://www.mediafire.com/?mj1tdtorrzg
Click here for that good guano.

The English call a bathroom a loo, cigarettes "fags", and have kings and queens instead of presidents. They also created their own version of Elvis and his name was Billy Fury. Hey, Elvis was referred to as the "King" so I guess our friends across the pond aren't too different from us at all. Put on this album whilst enjoying a pint and chant "Thank you... thank you very much" in a British accent as you shake your hips. You'll feel alright tonight!

So fuckin' lame...

2010-05-09T03:14:00.000-07:00

Really?

This sucks. This is what the old Jack White would've had nightmares about.

Shit, if you can make it through the whole video and leave a comment, man... I'd like to hear about it, because this sucks so bad that I couldn't imagine someone else listening to it the whole way through without having been promised something.

True Love

2010-05-08T02:38:00.000-07:00

Last Minutes with ODEN from phos pictures on Vimeo.

When I first saw this video I had to hug my two dogs. If you don't have a dog... well, today is a good time to start thinking about adopting. Not. Buying. ADOPTING.

Shoot em' up

2010-05-05T17:24:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while, you're bound to have an unorthodox kind of day. It's probably the result of some cosmic lottery that we're too poor to buy tickets for, who knows, right? Anyway, yesterday was one of those days for me. For starters, it was my day off from work and like any American man, I had hoped to take care of some errands and then slay a bottle of something strong. My, how plans change I tell ya...

I got a telephone from one of the fabulous ladies that make up my department telling me that they were short staffed and asking if I could come in. Of course I gladly accepted because I have this really weird hyper-dedication thing when it comes to what I do for a living. Anyway, after being there for a little while, it seemed as though it would be a regular, run of the mill afternoon. That is until two representatives of the Worst Losers in America Club decided to make their afternoon mine.

Our first interaction was short, but poignant. There they were, prime examples of pure crust punk awkwardness in all of their barefoot glory. I had gotten word that there were people asking for money and as an earner of my money... I went to stop it. I approached them and explained that shoes were important and unless there was a pool, puddle, stream, river, ocean, masseuse, or foot worship convention within twenty five feet of our conversation... they'd have to be respectable, don some combat boots or whatever and not be barefoot in the lobby of an active building.

"I'm gonna be a rock star... rags to riches!" proclaimed the male crusty with his eyes almost closed and a sense of balance akin to one of those inflatable boxing clowns that never falls down. "Yeah!" said his female friend with similar eyes and teeth that would make a dentist faint because they can't possibly teach that shit in American dental schools. Regardless of the nonsensical answers they provided, they shuffled off looking high as hell. Also, they smelled like a dirty basement. Really... I used to have a basement and it was filthy so I know.

Now, before any defenders of crust punks hop out of the woodwork to stick up for freedom, punk rock, or anything else... just don't. I was homeless and on every drug the world has seen between the years of thirteen and sixteen and not once did I decide to fail as hard as these two.

Hours passed and then I got the 911 call. All I knew is that there was a man down. Nothing else. I responded as fast as I possibly could and upon my arrival I actually wasn't shocked to see the "rags to riches" kid laying unmoving on the floor, totally blue, not breathing, unmoving. Basically, for all intensive purposes... dead. His female tooth model friend was in hysterics, but obviously high out of her mind. To her credit, she did call 911, so that was impressive. As I walked toward the boy, she began to give him the most awkward CPR I'd ever seen. I was glad she was doing it though because anything helps I guess.

I got her out of the way and gave it all I had in me... but because these two looked so diseased and "AIDSY" I made her blow into his mouth while I did the chest compressions. This lasted over two and a half minutes, but it was worth it... I think.

Something told me that this kid was going to die soon whether or not it was with me in the room.

When he came to, the first thing he muttered was a quiet "fuck you" to me and then he mentioned to the arriving paramedics that he was "gonna be a rock star."

His girl was then arrested for possession and so was he after they were released from the hospital. Awesome times kids! Remember: drugs are super cool. They will make every minute of life appear more glamorous*

UPDATE 5/8/10:

I saw the OD kid on the train today while heading to work. As I sat there writing in my notebook (secret stuff about rockets and shit) I could feel him looking at me so I glanced in his direction. All I could see was hatred in his eyes. Pure, undiluted hate. I paid him no mind because I was done with him. I had already filed the incident away as all in a days work, but not him. Nope. It was obvious to me that he hated me because I let him live and now he had to live the same self imposed nightmare he'd been living prior to our chance meeting. As he stared I could feel his gaze, but instead of looking over and asking him what the fuck he was looking at, I just sat there writing in my book (again, super secret stuff about rockets and stuff)

Later in the day I thought about his angry, bloodshot eyes and you know what? If I see him again I think I'll ask him what the fuck he's looking at? If he's brave enough to answer, which I doubt... I'm going to make sure he never looks at me again because in my head, a guy like that with no hope on the horizon, could easily try to stab me or some shit. I haven't asked, but I'm pretty sure my two daughters would set fire to a major city if I was ever hurt. Love... it's stronger than dirt.

Videos of the week!

2010-04-28T22:19:00.000-07:00

Billy Fury - I think you're swell

Ty Segall - I'm so alone

Reigning Sound and Mary Weiss

2010-04-14T19:32:00.000-07:00

http://www.mediafire.com/?ujdkmytljyg

At one point in her career she was the main mouth for the Shangri-La's, but then she spent many a quiet year inventing new styles of hand to hand combat that she would eventually teach to armies all around the world. Don't worry your pretty little face... she only schooled the good guys.

Anyway, after she grew tired of perfecting her "3 million ways to kill a person" manual, she had a beer with Greg Cartwright of the Reigning Sound. This album is what they came up with the next morning.*

*I also have a nice bridge in Brooklyn to sell if you're interested.

After a non-stop listening to every single Wu Tang record ever made...

2010-04-04T19:43:00.001-07:00

I decided to start my own rap supergroup. I'm (pictured in red plaid) not so sure it'll be a hit.

On a side note... what the fuck am I doing there anyway?

Maybe I thought it was a bar?

PS. T shirt wars are real. Make sure you have enough rations to get you through them.

PPS. Up yours.

Happy April!

2010-04-01T02:06:00.000-07:00

Getting old isn't like what they show you on TV. It isn't the old dude with the "Hoveround" jetting across the Grand Canyon or Bernice trying to catch up... it's far slower.

It's like suddenly you wake up and your hair is beginning to show signs of change. Fortunately I'm not on the balding team. My hair is that of a lion... from Puerto Rico.

Curly hair may make the chicks say "ooh wow" but it ain't no easy dog to train.

Overnight I sprouted about twelve grey hairs. The weirdest part is that they are so overly noticeable. A young gal once said it looked gallant. She was right.

Beside that, getting older is like a reversed irony sucker punch. You start sporting a mustache because it's funny and then all of a sudden you start spelling it "moustache" and the whole world sings along with you. I don't actually spell it that way mind you. Although honestly, I can't sip a drink in a room without someone granting mine a compliment. How weird is that?

Maybe getting old is looking like a sketchy Uncle or the worlds bestest friend evarrrr?

Either way, it's still good to know that getting old means that you can laugh at kids in leather pants, dudes with stretched out earlobes, Hip Hop cats with fly kicks, chinese character tats, Aviator glasses, and pasta... (what? It makes you fat)

Fresh & Onlys are selling Vanishing cream to fund the war against Invisible Forces.

2010-04-01T01:42:00.000-07:00

The Fresh & Onlys - Vanishing Cream from EyeBodega on Vimeo.

Thee Oh Sees Live!

2010-03-28T10:51:00.001-07:00

Click here for wetter stamps

http://www.mediafire.com/?jgmmjjydtkw

Courtesy of the technologically advanced, fine fellows over at NYC Taper, you now have the chance to hear a fantastic quality show by San Fran's favorite rockers. There isn't much else to say here because if you're here to begin with then you already know the deal. There are a few songs from the upcoming Warm Slime record too.

By the way, you should visit the NYC Taper site for loads of gems, but make sure you ask permission to redistribute because you don't want to be like me and get in trouble. Then, all of a sudden you'll start hanging around the wrong crowd, wearing leather, spitting at mirrors, and breaking pinball machines with your fists.

Again...NYC Taper I'm sorry I didn't follow the rules. Let's be friends. With the exception of my penchant for riding my bike inside of peoples apartments I'm a swell guy.

Belle & Sebastian think you walk as a peasant does.

2010-03-27T02:43:00.000-07:00

Click here to follow the bus happily.

http://www.mediafire.com/?zkdzuztem3g

When this record first surfaced, I was living in New York. It was an early time and I had just taken the hand of a fair maiden. Life was good and then on one fateful day, I picked this record up at a place called Other Music. After getting it home and playing it in full for the fair maiden mentioned above, it was obvious that this would remain in heavy rotation. Years later this same sentiment still rings true.

Here's the video for the song "I fought in a war."

Before you press play, you must realize that this isn't just any ordinary piece of music. This is actually a rare instance of pure, expertly played material. You have to be open to it if this is your first listen and for God's sake, please be ready to take in the little things...

You should notice how when Stuart Murdoch first opens his mouth to sing, there isn't so much as a peep from the thousands strong audience after an initial whoop and holler. A rare feat indeed. It's like an angel opened it's mouth.

Cococoma

2010-03-27T01:48:00.000-07:00

Click here for that sock to magically appear.

http://www.mediafire.com/?5mmwmgzwljm

The husband and wife in this band live in Chicago. They enjoy quality Rock N' Roll. They started a record label called Trouble In Mind that has put out 7" records by Ty Segall, Fresh & Onlys, and Sonic Chicken 4.

If you're married, what did you do today? Take out the family dog to pee? Jesus, you're such an underachiever. Damn.

Ty Segall and Mikal Cronin wear Black!

2010-03-24T15:07:00.000-07:00

This is awesome!

Ty Segall & Mikal Cronin "I Wear Black" from Claire Marie Films on Vimeo.

The White Stripes: Under Great White Northern Lights - Review.

2010-03-21T02:22:00.000-07:00

Rating: 4 out of 5 peppermint candies.

So, tonight I watched the new White Stripes movie, Under Great White Northern Lights, and all I can say is that I was left feeling a little cold and unfulfilled. That isn't to say that it's a bad film by any means. In fact, it's just the opposite. In 92 minutes director Emmet Malloy manages to capture tons of beautiful scenery and dozens of candid moments between the supposed siblings that once shared a house as husband and wife. For the uninitiated this may be a bit too ramshackle and for the die hard fan it may make you feel as though you've waiting too long for too little. (I really did enjoy it... promise.)

As a long time fan myself, it was great to see Jack and Meg sharing the stage again, but every time I wanted to bust out the old air guitar and air drums, the filmmakers decided to stop me dead in my tracks. Throughout the film we're treated to songs from every album and what would appear to be intensely spirited performances are hastily cut short and melded together in such a sloppy manner that it could raise comparisons to a 30 second infomercial for the bands greatest hits. I'm not sure about the rest of the world, but after such a long hiatus from Detroit's red and white duo I'd expect something a little more. Am I being selfish? Am I asking for something unreasonable? Am I not seeing "the art?" Truth be told I am. I can see that this is a well made documentary about a little band that could and I'm happy that it exists. In fact, I've watched it twice tonight.

There are a few parts in the film (I hate calling it that) where Meg and Jack are in some pretty random places. Coming to mind is one scene where they're with a group of tribal elders, each of them appearing to be well into their eighties, when Jack pulls out his guitar after making a deal where he'd play for them and them for he. He ends up playing a really good version of Blind Willie McTell's "Lord, send me an angel" and it's so apparent that his charm has won them over in such a way that their feet start tapping and their heads begin nodding along. This is an honest and amazing moment that shows how this band will appeal to even the most unconventional listener. As promised a few of the tribe members give them a show of their own, pulling out an accordion and causing a lady that appears old enough to break, to start dancing up a little dust storm of her own. Obviously, a good time was had by all, but eating raw caribou couldn't have been the tastiest way to end the band's visit with the tribe.

The most poignant moment in the movie, which will certainly be a topic of discussion for many, is the last scene where Jack and Meg sit at the piano together. She sits at his side and as he sings the song "White Moon" she begins to cry. There doesn't seem to be any particular reason either. Was she moved by his singing? Does the song have personal meaning? Did her cat pass away? Or, is it what has and will always be brought up when speaking of the White Stripes... is she still in love with him? I'm not sure if anyone outside of their closest circle will ever know the answer, but then I guess I'll just have to watch it again tonight and cross my fingers for some new product... like maybe a full DVD performance?

A special video post dedicated to Makers Mark.

2010-03-20T11:41:00.000-07:00

Today's post is dedicated to April from Makers Mark whisky who singlehandedly restored my faith in customer service. Coincidentally, she also cemented the fact that I enjoy drinking far too much. It's okay... booze makes me funnier... and more pretty. Yeah.

Des Roar - Mad Things

2010-03-15T04:13:00.000-07:00

Click here for bermuda shorts

I've written about this band a dozen times since starting this blog. Coincidentally, I've drank about one hundred bottles of cheap liquor. The total is probably way more, but tonight I'm inclined to be modest. I could sit here and tell you that this is the greatest band in the world. I could also confess that each bottle has been a 1.75 liter, but I won't. I'm not here to bullshit you. I'm an honest man when it comes to this sort of thing. It's the only way to be. The truth is what I'm tellin' and I ain't tellin' no lie.

Des Roar makes the kind of music that makes people drink and have a good time. Whether you're fucking, fighting, kissing, or playing pinball. Whatever you wanna do, baby... it's fine. This shit is pretty good... where'd you get it?

In a time where so many bands are being "different" it's refreshing to hear a group that is delivering straightforward Rock n' Roll. It's all guitar and drums here folks. There's even a few boy/ girl harmonies thrown in. The handclaps are free too. Grab your beers. Get your boards. Call that chick and set up some bang time. This is the record that'll get you by tonight. It's right.

The Good Things!

2010-03-11T22:11:00.000-08:00

I didn't add the 5th video because it's the end credits where you see their real faces. I couldn't let that happen because these creatures are real, actual magical creatures. Not humans. La la la la la la la laaaaaaa.....

Ohrobot's greatest favorites of all time collection: Dinosaur Jr. - You're living all over me

2010-03-11T22:08:00.000-08:00

Click here for red danglers.

I don't remember what the actual year was when this came out, but I remember that I had gotten hold of a cassette copy. I'd sit in my room and keep switching from side A to side B all night long. Now, I don't follow what the kids say these days and I'm not sure if J. and Lou are relevant anymore, but I'll be damned if I don't take this moment to say that this may be one of the greatest records ever made.

The song "Poledo" is arguably the best tape pause/ record moment in the history of taping. It's like purposely inviting demons in for lunch.

Enjoy You're living all over me and while you're at it... pretend the two of us are riding bicycles in the park. I'll buy you a lollie.

I'd like to welcome... me!

2010-03-11T20:48:00.000-08:00

Hi there! I'd just like to inform everyone that I'm in a good mood today. That's all!

Thee Oh Sees & Paul Cary split 7"

2010-03-11T20:30:00.000-08:00

Click here for beard pampering.

While I'm not bowled over by Paul Cary's old band, The Horrors, his recent solo album was the cats meow for me. Go out and buy that one, will ya??!!

This 7" with Thee Oh Sees is basically a perfect record as far as I'm concerned. You should own a tangible copy of this too, but it was so damn limited that you'll need an ebay account to get any closer than this.

Estrogen Highs - Tell it to them

2010-03-11T20:18:00.000-08:00

Click here for Uma Thurman's diary

Honestly, I don't know anything about this band except they make me want to get off my ass and finish that damn time machine I've been working on for God knows how long. Although, the last time I used it I couldn't get that "Belushi gut" smell off of my jacket for weeks. I know, I know... put down the booze and focus. (fat chance)

It's like they found a way to tap into my brain and capture the sound of me being a teenager running loose on the streets.

Every time I hear "The age of romantics" I just want to grab my deck and fuck around on the "Milfs" mini ramp while some stupid chick makes goo goo eyes at me every time I do a rock and roll on her side of the platform.

R.I.Y.L. Drinking, fucking, wearing black, and doing things that your wife/mother/girlfriend wouldn't approve of.

Detroit Cobras - Tied and true

2010-03-11T19:59:00.000-08:00

Click here for emu saliva

While they'll never capture the low down and dirty sound of their earlier albums, Rachel, Maribel, and their revolving cast of characters continue to put out worthwhile records. This, Tied and True, is their latest offering.

Of course it's the usual obscure covers that they're known for, but as every other person who's spent a minute writing about this band would say: They make the songs their own.

In case you didn't notice, it's lazy journalism week here at ohrobot. No apologies.

Also, this platter was produced by my man, Memphis legend Mr. Greg Cartwright. That sounds like a guarantee to me.

Jeffrey Novak - After the ball

2010-03-11T19:34:00.000-08:00

Click here for tasty grades

Jeffrey Novak is the lead singer of Cheap Time. This is what he does when he's not doing that. At times I can hear the Kinks. Other times I hear what the ringleader of an outer space circus would sound like if I had the golden opportunity to head into space and attend the greatest show on... another planet. Whatever, they just better treat those space elephants with respect.

This was a little underwhelming for me at first, but I've changed my mind. This is the type of record that should only be played while tying a helpless female to the railroad tracks that carry the locomotives that bring the space animals home at night. I'm drunk... will you sit on my lap?

Zee Avi loves Patrick Keeler

2010-03-11T19:13:00.000-08:00

Click here for maniac brownies

I've been listening to this album for about a year now and I'm not sick of it at all. If you're into the sort of stuff that Cat Power makes, then this is for you. Wait... that is the laziest comparison I've ever made. I'm sorry.

I'm very particular about girls and acoustic guitars because for every one Julie Doiron there are one hundred and fifty nine million crappy broads who you'd bang if it wasn't for their crappy, corny tunes. Yes... I'm a god damned snob.

If you're confused about why I titled this post the way I did, I'll explain. Zee Avi owes her current career to the keen ears of Patrick Keeler, drummer for the Greenhornes and that awful musical debacle; The Raconteurs. Apparently, he caught one of her youtube videos and was smitten enough to mention it to White Stripes manager; Ian Montone. Long story short: Lucky ladies make good records. Hey, there's even a cover of Morrissey's "First of the gang to die" here and it ain't bad.

I've heard "bitter heart" the last two times I went to Ikea. Speaking of that Swedish retailer, I'm kind of sick of people that hate on it. Where else am I going to get a great cutting board at such a low price? Jeez!

Hurry up and wait!

2010-03-05T17:51:00.000-08:00

Hey kids, I want to apologize for not being around lately... it's just that I've been really depressed about a lot of stuff and I've been feeling like I need to be put down. There is a bright side however... no, wait... there isn't. I checked.

So, that being said... enjoy this picture while I try to sort things out or swallow poison or something.

DES ROAR: Last night of the West Coast tour

2010-02-08T11:38:00.000-08:00

The first thing I'd like to say here is THANK YOU to the band for putting on a bunch of great shows while they were out here on the west coast. The second thing I'd like to say will be directed toward the Roxy up on the Sunset Strip...

Dear Roxy,

What an icon you are! I mean, the legendary Roxy venue... jeez! Some of the most famous (bad and good) bands got their starts on your stage. You were there at the height of hair metal for chrissakes! Not to mention the big names like Neil Young, Springsteen, and Bowie. You are part of the lexicon man! Heck, a few years ago I drank a bunch of your liquor and saw the Kings of Leon there. It was a great show and a lot of that had to do with your top notch sound system. And the bar above the venue? You've had some pretty big names up there drinking the night away, spending loads of cash. Being a bartender there must be super lucrative! How much do you guys make a year? Like, a gajillion? I'm kidding. I know that's a made up number. Speaking of made up numbers. When I say eleven, what do you think of? No Roxy, the answer I'm getting at isn't 7-11: the best place for Slurpees... and no, no, no I'm not referring to the amps from Spinal Tap.

Please Roxy... don't be morbid... I don't want to hear about American Airlines flight 11 that crashed into the North tower of the World Trade Center on 9/11.

Okay... since you're a terrible guesser, I'll tell you: eleven is the number that you gave to the band Des Roar in U.S. dollars as payment after their show on February 8th 2009. Imagine their surprise when the place had a decent amount of folks in there who paid $10.00 to get in to see some Rock N' Roll. I reckon they'd probably have made a couple of hundred bucks seeing as I myself saw a few familiar faces in the crowd that paid. Oh, wait... that's right... how could I be so silly? It says it right in your artist contracts that you will keep the entry fee for the first fifty guests and the bands that are playing can keep what ever cash is left after that. That totally makes sense now. Oh crap... there's only one thing that doesn't make sense... why would the other bands playing that night (Spirit Animal, Imagine Dragons, etc) have signed something, but Des Roar wouldn't have? Something's certainly rotten in Denmark... uh, Hollywood.

Sorry Roxy, I don't mean to be a bad daddy, it's just that I feel that you could've been a little cooler to a touring band. I know a lot of people walk in and out of your doors so I'll try to remind you... (cue rippling flashback effect)

At closing time, a tall, handsome chap by the name of Ryan finishes giving his loved ones a hug and heads up to your office where he expects to collect a bit of cash for the silly things a band on the road may need like food, hotels, and alcohol. Once there he is handed $11.00. Then, he is charged $7.00 for parking. Now, I'm not a very good mathematician, but with these kind of numbers... damn. Don't worry though... four bucks is more than enough to sustain a band from New York City. Shit, three thousand miles is a long way, but .0013333333 in U.S. Dollars (or cents) should take care of four musicians mile for mile. Really, it's a buck a person. Totally doable. Well Roxy, thanks for listening.

The last people I wrote to like this (Razorlight) did the right thing. Hopefully you will too. Now, I'm not saying you should invite Razorlight to play over there, but if you do... will you pretty please afford them the same hospitality as you did Des Roar? I mean, it would be totally awesome of you guys if you had a few bouncers grab the dude while he spits and screams about how you guys are rip off artists. It would be even better if the airports in his area were all closed due to a terrific snowstorm and he just happened to be stranded for a few days longer without a place to stay or healthy food to eat. Wait... what am I saying? Four dollars can buy a lot these days. And how could I forget? As you told the guys... "at least they can say that they've played at the Roxy." I guess that's just like meeting God for coffee, huh?

Sincerely, Ohrobot.

PS. Take a shit or get off the pot... when it comes to Rock N. Roll. Heh heh...

... if they only knew. Sigh...

Sleazy like Sunday morning #4 - More paperback smut.

2010-02-06T01:03:00.000-08:00

It was a long hard year for the two. With their careers taking up most of their time, they'd both been in need of some sort of stimulus. Although they hadn't spoken in a while, their lives were running parallel to each others and on the night their paths crossed, it was obvious that they had found their stimuli in one another.

Beth, the younger of the pair, was burning the candle at both ends it seemed. She'd been putting in a minimum of twelve hour days at the theatre, six days a week in a blurred mixture of rehearsals and evening performances. She was a dancer mainly, but in this production she was to play a sizable part that demanded she learn enough lines to fill half a bible. Since her childhood she'd dreamt of running her own company and she was now closer than ever to achieving her dream, but the constant grind was starting to take its toll. Earlier in the day she had jokingly confessed to another member of the company that she'd only slept a total of six hours in the last forty eight. Her body, sore and throbbing. Her mind, scattered and foggy. With her relentless approach to achieving her dreams she knew she'd burn out, but fought it every night as she faced the crowded theatre. As she'd say her lines she'd peer into the faces of them all. The critics sat there with their note pads while the theatre buffs stared toward the stage. Some were smiling, but others warmed their seats wearing such serious expressions that one could confuse them with high court judges. Come to think of it... judges they were. All of them and every night was a trial that she'd have to fight her way through. Even with all the pressure that came along with it, she wouldn't have it any other way. She was following her heart.

Rick on the other hand didn't have half the trappings. His life, although seriously structured, afforded him far more time to dream and lay about than most of his peers. As the branch manager of an airport area car rental business, his level of activity depended on the number of people that needed a vehicle. Some days it was through the roof, but there were others where he didn't see another living, breathing being at all. Of course, this did little to change the fact that he was there everyday. Ten years ago he told himself that he'd only work there for a year or two, just to raise enough money to start his own business. A diner. He wasn't necessarily into cooking at all, but the idea of having something that would be open twenty four hours where folks could come in and take a load off was the most appealing thing he could think of to do with his future. There was something appetizing about the cranky, senior citizen waitress and the just making it to decent coffee that grabbed him. It was an idea that he had gotten when he was in his twenties and spent his time reading books in the rearmost booth of a Waffle House at 3:00 AM. He liked the vibe. Naturally, like most achievable dreams, things tend to get in the way and money ends up needing to be shifted from one credit card to another. Then, before you know it... you're still the branch manager of the Rocket Rent a Car Agency which sits exactly one half mile from the airport and you realize that you'll never compete with the Denny's down the lane.

One night after had she given what she believed to be one of her most terrible performances ever, she decided to leave the theatre and drive. It didn't matter where. She just needed the escape. She knew that she actually did okay up there, but the production itself was a mess. It was marred by so many technical difficulties that the crowds began to heckle. First it was the sound, then it was the lighting, and then that damn fire alarm. Naturally all of this threw off the natural chemistry between the performers. Some folks had even left the place early. It wasn't the best night. As she drove she fumbled with the radio, eventually settling on an oldies station. After a few songs went by, "sleepwalk" by Santo and Johnny started to play. This song brought back so many memories. She thought of Rick and how he'd always listen to this song when they used to live in the same building a year ago. She always thought he was cute, but could never spare the time to talk to him except for a few five minute conversations here and there. There was no denying the chemistry between the two, but like his twenty four hour diner, anything more never came to be. As the radio played she recalled how he'd always leave his apartment door open allowing the music to carry through the hallway. She hadn't the faintest idea that he was leaving it open because he knew that she'd pass his place whenever she was coming or going. Unfortunately for him, because of the hours she kept, he ended up locking his door for the night without ever catching so much as a glimpse of her.

She arrived at the Denny's and pulled into a spot where she could see her car from the booth. Her back window wasn't closing all the way and paying some mechanic to rip her off for five minutes of labor wasn't high on her affordability list. She spent the next few minutes studying both the menu as well as the room. Eggs Benedict... guy in trucker hat that's actually a trucker... Pancakes... old man with a cane... empty plate of egg yolk residue covered wholly by horrifyingly large blobs of ketchup... tweaker guy with the piss colored hair... club sandwich... guy that looks like... Rick? She opened her eyes a little wider to focus on a guy stuffing a sandwich three times the size of his head into his mouth. Well... trying to at least. It was him. As she sat, she started to imagine walking over to him and striking up a conversation, but it had been a while and she wasn't entirely sure what she wanted to say. He was still pretty good looking although he had aged some. His black hair now traced with dozens of grey strays. He looked tired, but not run down. At that moment the waitress came to the table and asked to take her order. She didn't know what she wanted and just opted for a cup of coffee after asking the waitress for a few more minutes. As the old gal turned to get the coffee pot, Beth stopped her. "You see that guy with the big sandwich at the counter? Can I buy him a coffee too?" The waitress winked and said "Think he's cute, honey? I don't." She shuffled off.

"The lady with the long hair back there wanted to buy you a cup of coffee." said the waitress as she placed the saucer and mug in front of him while nudging her neck in Beth's direction. Before he even turned around his heart started beating faster. When he finally did, it just about stopped. There she was... Beth. With a closed mouth he swallowed the words "holy shit" before having to concentrate on closing his eyes to blink. She was a sight. Although a lot of time had passed, she popped into his head whenever he was lonely.

Their sudden meeting was pleasurable and after about two and a half hours or so, neither of them could hide the fact that they were hot for one another. He paid the check and left the tip. As they left the diner he touched her at the waist. He could barely contain his urge to have her. It was a flash of light and then they were at his apartment. As if part of a show she glided toward the couch. She was serpentine to his snake handler. He followed intently while slyly unbuttoning the top few buttons of his shirt. He wasted no time. With open arms and a tight hug she pulled him on top of her. Without kissing they lay there holding each other. His hands slid expertly across her pale soft skin as his fingers traveled under her shirt. As if under a spell, their bodies writhed and tangled. She removed her shoes and ran her hand up the length of his leg using her nails. His body trembled beneath her feather touch. Finally their lips met and as they kissed she could feel his warmth taking her over. She could also feel the bulge in his pants. It moved like a heartbeat. It wouldn't be long until he'd be inside of her. Neither would admit their nervousness.

By this time her shirt was gone and he'd begun to lick her neck. His mouth was a tidal wave splashing across her. She could feel herself beginning to get wet. As his tongue explored her breasts his hands squeezed the sides of her ass. He cupped it and massaged it roughly. Soon enough his hands found their way into her inner thighs. Thus begins this tale of adventurous lovers.

His saliva warmed her nipples as she grabbed his hair, giving it a controlled tug. He was turned on. He undid her belt and button and yanked her pants down. Her zipper, a limp participant. Her panties; white and cotton. The softest pair an angel could wear. She arched her back as she watched him pulling away her underwear. Her pussy, red hot and whispering. It whispered his name. With a final pull they slid off of her foot. What started as a kiss to the inside of her ankle became a seductive journey up the inside of her leg. Each part of her smooth terrain covered in licks and sucks. She spread her legs wider to meet his advances. He admired the shape of her. "There could be nothing more beautiful than this" he thought. Before sticking his tongue in her pussy he knew it would taste as he imagined. Sweet. Clean. She held the back of his head, then reached back and wrapped her hands in her hair. Pulling it. He was good. He ground his face into her like a madman and marksman combined, hitting every spot as if he'd mapped out the land beforehand. She moaned with pleasure as he soaked the ring of her asshole, flicking his tongue in and out of the puckered hole. Outside, the thunder was making the house shake a little. Inside... the same.

She moaned as his he traced her ass with his tongue. His mouth acted as machine - showing no signs of wear. She was rocked. Rick's clothes were only halfway off, but she was going to change that. After filling his waiting mouth with her warm release, she turned to him and started undoing his pants. His dick, dying to escape screamed at the door. She took them off and flung them to the floor. Motioning him to lay back she placed her lips on his cock through his underwear. It twitched and grew. She then pulled the top down exposing the head of his swollen dick. She licked it and quickly sucked its dome. He pulled them all the way down and she put her hand on his balls. They were warm in her hand. She sucked it all the way to the bottom and started to jerk him off slowly. Before putting it back in her mouth, she quietly told him that she was a swallower. He wasn't the kind of guy who needed that to happen but nevertheless he was pleased. After a few minutes he could feel his levels starting to rise and he knew he was going to come inside of her mouth any minute. Again, as if rehearsed, she began applying a more furious pace. Her mouth equally as expert to his expert abilities. The moment had arrived. All of the muscles in his body tightened as he exploded down her eager throat. It wasn't only the fact that she was doing it, it was also the fact that she was enjoying it. His eyes closed as he sank into the couch. He loved her. At that moment it was as if somehow the two of them had unearthed a buried chest full of realization. He would keep it to himself, unsure if she felt the same.

She stood up and began walking toward the bedroom. She wanted to get fucked. He wasn't going to disappoint her in the least. After wiping his dick off with a towel he trotted along behind her. When he opened the bedroom door it was as if he had stepped into a fantasy. There she lay, nude beneath a red light, a cigarette pack on the nightstand. The room smelled of her perfume alongside the underlying scent of her hungry crotch. He recorded the moment and filed it away in his mind. He knew that this image was one of those rare ones that could keep you warm at night.

He was hard already. She started touching herself for his view. He did the same. He watched as her fingers manipulated the folds of her vagina, at times gliding in to reveal her soft pink inside. She reached out to him and suddenly he was tasting her fingers. Her pussy was delicious and sucking its taste off of Beth's hand reminded him of how good their time on the couch was. This next round would prove to be a far better time for the adventurous lovers.

... to be continued.

Drunk guys

2010-02-05T12:29:00.000-08:00

Here is a photo taken a few weeks ago. I believe we're all trashed. I also believe that there are far too many button down shirts pictured here. Either way, these guys rock.

* If you had to assign a particular band to each person pictured above, could you?

Here are your choices:

R.E.M.

Slayer

Mastodon

Thee Headcoates

The breakdancer is too obvious for this game.

Listed from l to r: A cartoonist, A drunk fuck, The Lord of turtle sex, Archie Bunker Jr, A breakdancing cook.

And now... here are The Strange Boys performing "Be brave."

Dune

2010-01-30T03:40:00.000-08:00

http://sharebee.com/ba0a9ad3

Click here for a salted rim

This guy sounds like a whimsical French musical instrument after a couple of shots of unicorn tears in a bar that sits just outside of the powder blue kingdom of happiness.

(don't front. you know you wanna go there)

I'm strangely attracted to this music.

That said, Herman Dune is not an easy pill to swallow for some. His delivery and song structures are bizarre.

I would put him on a mixtape alongside The Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players and The Moldy Peaches. Maybe I'd add some Ween... They Might Be Giants too. Yeah.

See that? I just got so nerdy on you. You're lucky I didn't mention Paul Barman.

Tina and the leathered buffoon: Part one.

2010-01-30T02:55:00.000-08:00

He was a thick, leathered buffoon slumped over the jukebox when Tina found him slumped over the jukebox. There weren't any sorry assholes left at the bar besides the guy who lived above the place. He wasn't an asshole. He saved a kid once. The part where it all went wrong was when he went out to celebrate his good deed with some friends. They all went home, but he kept celebrating. And celebrating.

She approached her lummox with a calmly executed hint of hesitation. One that signaled she knew that if she didn't save him he'd be shaken awake and dragged onto the sidewalk by the bar back, but also knew the love was fading. They never even dated. She mostly just felt sorry for him.

With a measured tug she pulled him by the back pocket and said "What's going on, hon?" Of course there wasn't a response, but she knew he was blacked out. The bartender watched her as she wrapped her arms around his chest and gave him a lift. The leathered buffoon stood in a display of barely controlled slurs and near disastrous loss of balance. Thin Lizzy played through the piss scented air.

Exiting the bar was an awakening. The leathered buffoon, with his half opened eyes seemed to regain his equilibrium. "The Boys are back in town, huh?" he said with an embarrassed laugh. She was there again, but why? The cool night air swept his face and shocked its way through his denim jacket. It failed. The buffoon was always warm. Uncomfortably warm at times. Tonight however, the temperature was perfect.

"You know? It's not cool that the bartender calls my phone to get you off of his jukebox." she said with a tired grunt.

"It was only one other time... and it was the pool table that I passed out on. Do you think they should've kept serving me?" the buffoon feigned indifference after that.

"Oh, don't even try it. Walk!"

Des Roar at Silverlake Lounge.

2010-01-28T11:19:00.000-08:00

Last night me and the crew decided to go down and catch Des Roar at the Silverlake Lounge. We were not disappointed. First off, it was good to see the gang again and it was plain to see that life on the road hasn't affected their mood. They were all just as drunk and ferocious as I recalled them to be. And much more.

In about 40 minutes they tore through a nice mixture of surf, garage, and the maniacal Rock N' Roll they've grown to perfect. Beginning with "The watcher" and ending the set with upcoming single "Watch your step" the crowd instantly knew that these NYC fuckers weren't just stopping by for a beer and polite conversation.

Enter the dueling guitars of wild Irishman Alan O' Keeffe and frontman Ben Wolcott, who has seriously upped his snarling intensity. Maybe being on the road has made them angry after all? They played with the brashness of a band that not only wanted to rock the house, but as a band that wanted to make sure that the sheer force of their music was going to crack a few ribs.

By the way, are you kids lifting weights? All of your arms looked like they were powerful enough to smash a beer cooler. As if that wasn't enough, their diminutive drummer Lyla ain't afraid to kick something after it's dead. For real.

During the last song, the aforementioned 'Watch your step', plenty of boys and girls in the crowd rushed to the dance floor and started doing the graveyard twist. (I have no idea what these kids call dancing today)

It was exactly what a Rock N' Roll show should be: Loud, fast, snotty, and raw. Can somebody please pick these guys up already!!?? Do yourselves a favor by grabbing a copy of Mad Things. You won't be sorry...

And Ryan, I still need a t shirt. You are my only hope.

*Thanks to Red Melanie for the photo.

You'll have to forgive me for not including pictures of the show. Honestly? I left the house pretty drunk to begin with and ended up forgetting my camera.

The Horrors - Vent

2010-01-25T01:24:00.000-08:00

http://sharebee.com/45d047b5

Click here or the hostage gets it!

Not to be confused with Faris Tombstone or whatever those English Horror lads call themselves, these Horrors are from Iowa. What else comes from there?

Besides the state being a major force in the soybean industry, I couldn't find a lot. I'll have to visit. The only problem with that is that I take terrible notes when I'm drunk. Usually they start out informative, but they soon develop into crude drawings of naked women with pumpkins for hands and things of that nature. One time I was following someone who I thought was a local rapist. When I handed the notes to the cops they were excited that a citizen took such an acute attention to detail, but that all all changed when they realized the suspect was Caucasian, six foot tall, and was wearing the "strenuous costume of a shy zebra/ long pony hybrid"

Apparently I had begun writing a poem.

This album, produced by Memphis Garage legend Greg Cartwright, is not something that I'll keep on repeat, but I can promise you that no dirty old bar should be without a copy of this in their jukebox.

Rolling Stones and Satanic Requests

2010-01-25T00:50:00.000-08:00

http://sharebee.com/7fd3ee7b

Click here to get the smelly hand

"Hey Mick, I've got an idea."

"Yeah? What is it Keith?"

"Well, those mop topped buggers are getting all psychedelic and..."

"... and what, Keith? Are we supposed to compete with that?"

"Hell fuckin' yeah you big lipped bastard!"

And thus Their Satanic Majesties Request was born.

2000 Light Years from Home is the perfect song. Not kidding.

On first reaction I saw ________

2010-01-14T00:52:00.000-08:00

A Mike McGill board.

Personally? I was a Lance Mountain guy.

By the way, is Axl Rose even a real person?

Jay Reatard R.I.P.

2010-01-13T23:57:00.000-08:00

From Wikipedia:

"Lindsey was found dead in bed at his home in Midtown, Memphis around 3:30 a.m. on January 13, 2010. A death investigation has been opened by Memphis police. A statement was posted on the website of Goner Records, that Reatard had died in his sleep. Friends of Lindsey stated that he had recently complained of flu-like symptoms."

Read a great interview with Jay by Rich Tupica at Turn It Down here

Covers time!

2010-01-13T12:45:00.000-08:00

http://sharebee.com/784940b7

Click here for used ambergris.

Good day folks, I'm sitting around cleaning up my computer and weeding out the tunes that really have no business being there such as the Fungi Girls and the Screaming Females records. I tried, but that doesn't mean I won't keep a look out for future stuff from those guys.

Anyway, while unearthing some stuff I inadvertently came across a few gems that I hadn't heard in a while. Among them was this little song folder with Ben from Des Roar covering two Strokes songs and one booze soaked original with a bit of that old country twang.

Speaking of Des Roar, they're playing the West Coast now and will be in LA on the 17th.

Enjoy!

*When downloading from Sharebee don't click the giant download button. Click the smaller, green filehost names instead (Rapidshit, Badwrongo; etc)

Videos I like today!

2010-01-13T10:10:00.000-08:00

The Gories want you Outta here!

2010-01-12T01:56:00.000-08:00

http://www.mediafire.com/?hyzh40nzmmj

Click here for labia soufflé.

I'm sure that I am going to be tarred and feathered for saying that I'm not really a fan of the Dirtbombs, but rest assured, the Gories have a special place in my heart. Nuff said.

Hey, here's an idea: Record yourself covering my favorite song on this record (Telepathic) and send it to me. I'll post them all as a limited edition download and whichever version I think is the best will inspire me to send something cool to the maker of it. Maybe the runner up will get something too.

Don't write to me asking what I'll send the winner because that would be lame. You don't want to be lame do you? Of course not... because no one will want to have sex with you. See?

Pinche Gringo

2010-01-12T01:40:00.000-08:00

http://www.mediafire.com/?yubj3qhujgz

Click here for lady cop frisking.

I'll start off this post by saying the Amphetamine Train is the best song on this album. No, fuck that... it's the best song I've heard in a while. It so far has been responsible for the breaking of two drinking glasses, a pair of sunglasses, a guitar string, and a watercolor of Ernest Borgnine. All of this is too long a story for me to tell right now.

What can I say? Rock N' Roll just makes me crazy. Especially this kind of King Khan/ BBQ/ Mummies/ Demon's Claws kind of way. Pinche does it.

Mostly a one man band, Pinche Gringo does contain two other members. One of them, a very nice lady named Liza Jane that runs the Tiny Toy Guitar site. She's pretty much awesome in every way. The other guy is Jimmy Brad of Jimmy and the Teasers fame. Together they form a ramshackle, rock n' roll Voltron.

This was released as a cassette only pressing of 100 on the Zap label. Coincidentally, this album goes great when paired with a half nekkid lady, a strip club in a bad neighborhood, and a whole lot of whiskey. Just what the doctor ordered.

Maybe I'll sober up for ten minutes and see if I can interview these guys soon.

The first post of 2010: The douche report.

2010-01-10T02:42:00.000-08:00

Tonight was a special night. At the bottom most tier it was a Saturday night and the fact that I ventured out was amazing in itself. Normally I wouldn't do such a thing because I'm not generally a "weekend crowd" type of guy, but tonight was requested by someone that I respect very highly. I had a blast, but that's not to say that the night didn't have its share of pitfalls...

There were so many things that I encountered this evening that continuously solidifies my distaste for weekend fun involving packed bars and amateur drinkers.

This list won't be in order of occurrence:

The Over-drunk recently turned twenty one kid:

Ooh... a special breed if I've ever seen one. The just recently turned twenty one kid will enter the bar and consume as much alcohol as his wittle tummy can take. This practice usually involves a late night comatose state where the contacting of parents is usually considered or at the very least a rad story they can tell their friends about how they got "so fucked up" that they woke up on a doorstep and "people were, like... going to work and shit."

Sometimes this recently legalized douche bag will somehow convince himself that through alcohol he has become the most powerful titan the world has ever known and proceed to puff his almost always scrawny chest whenever his underdeveloped, booze soaked brain assumes it it being threatened in any way. Be advised... this particular scum bag will appear bigger that he actually is due to the oversized attire he wears. It should be noted that this oversized clothing will almost certainly bear the logo of a sports team. It should also be noted that this particular team may or may not be in the town where you encounter this particular dick head.

The bitter Mexican fat girl who inadvertently dresses like a hipster, but claims to hate hipsters:

In my circles I don't run into this one often, but once encountered, this subject will immediately make you want to slit her throat. She will sit there on a bar stool, usually conversing with another bitter girl about some guy that did something so "gangsta" that it basically makes the accomplishments of Ghandi seem pale and unimportant by comparison. The story will almost always end with "... he's locked up now."

Careful... this subject will take a chance at being "gangsta" herself by making fun of you even though it's obvious she's just depressed that she looks the way she does. Also, it will be obvious that she has taken in too much alcohol because of her propensity to pass out at the end of any night. Thus, making her a bad choice of drinking partner. Really though... who would want a bad drinking partner?

Tonight, as I was at the bar, there was someone of the aforementioned variety sitting across from me. She decided to inform me that I was a "hipster" with a disgusted sneer on her face. Naturally, my first reaction was to agree, but knowing the negative connotations of the word, I decided to let her continue after I asked what she meant by her remark and why she felt it appropriate to "call me out?"

Her response? Typical, although correct. (Nobody could accuse her of not being observant) She told me that I wore tight jeans, had tattoos, rode a bicycle, and listened to stupid bands. Well, she wasn't wrong because I do all of the above. Why that is supposedly hip I'm not sure. Anyway, she sat there so smugly she could've killed a houseplant just by sitting next to it. I did what any man would do when being somewhat challenged by a behemoth: I rattled something off about her being a Cosmo Girl and this months ten sexy lovemaking tips. What the heck? You may ask... just trust me. It was like pouring salt on a slug. The beauty here was that she was so un-girlish in her ways, that to imply anything about her that did not involve black eyeliner, joker tattoos or low rider vehicles was a sure insult. The last thing she said was " I ain't white and what makes you think I'd read Cosmo? Shit."

Screw that trick ass ho. I like reading Cosmo.

The bathroom super talker:

This guy is in every bathroom in every part of the world. I'm not sure about any of you, but when I'm facing a urinal I prefer those 30 seconds or so to be quiet and introspective. Also, I'm a big fan of that little robot in my pants and I enjoy the quiet time with it. Anyway, this guy will come into the bathroom quietly, but as soon as he pulls out to spray his foul piss, he'll say something either amazingly stupid or incredibly creepy. Plus, in all his excitement he forgets to wash his hands afterward, therefore putting his little pee pee hand all over the goddamned bar, the jukebox, the darts, and most likely your back as he tries to squeeze by you later that night because the place is so crowded. Here are examples:

"Hey man, this place is cool right?"
"Yo, there's a lot of bitches here, bro!"
"Hey, do I know you?"
"Yeah, I'm gonna bang all these chicks tonight."
"The DJ is pretty good, huh?"

Alright Mr. Bathroom super talker... it's time to stop. You're causing me to want to turn toward you and pee on your sneakers and if you try to fight back I will pee on you some more. Punk.

And for absolutely no reason at all...

Hey John Mayer, do you even like rock n' roll? I ask because millions of girls like you and although I can safely state that you are a talented musician, I just haven't seen anything that rocks like a dirty Cantonese hooker with a trash can tattoo and the ass to match. You had a funny TV show though and I think you're a pretty funny guy. So keep on, man. I don't even have a band right now.

Oh Snap!

2009-12-31T02:37:00.000-08:00

The last post of 2009.

2009-12-31T00:38:00.000-08:00

Well kids, it's been a tough year, but we've made it through anyhow. I'd like to thank this time to say thank you to all of the folks who stop by this site and hang for a while. I appreciate you. Hopefully 2010 will be awesome, but I ain't gonna put my hopes in the air just yet. I'm not making any resolutions either. Screw it... I drink, I smoke, I touch myself. That's who I am and it's what my daddy made me. I'm kidding. I was made in a lab.

Anyway, I hope to see all the old faces on January 2nd 2010. I'm giving an extra day because if you're gonna go out celebratin' the new year, you better do it so well that you spend the first day of it vomiting. That being said, I hope I see some new and friendly faces too.

And hopefully I speak for a lot of bloggers out there...

... may 2010 be a year where leaving nice meaningful and relevant comments is the norm.

(To the four people who just discovered the internet: Copy/ paste to translate)

I am a person who is full of love:

Love for my family.

Love for music.

Love for my Department.

Shit, I love you too and I'll tell you this:

I draw when I drink, I drink when I draw... tell the cops whatever, except what you saw.

The Plague Whore of Mell County

The Atlantic City Witch

Shark

Bedroom Spider Dealer

Busstop

Belaware and the Wish

Fervent

Those Two

Blown Ghosts

Dog Day For Passion

The Pink Robot Behind Me

Hell Wants

Hell Gets

Gunggung Baby

Horrible Things Under Your Bed

Texas Road Trip

Idea

Poor Sport

Chewn

I'll see you when you're sleeping

Happy New Year!!!

The Teacher is serious business!

2009-12-31T00:26:00.000-08:00

You can lie and say you're not aroused. It's cool.

Os Mutantes will supply the head.

2009-12-30T23:37:00.000-08:00

http://sharebee.com/e4bec8e4

Click here for a salt and pepper smoothie.

The debut album from Brazil's Os Mutantes is good for one thing. Spend a quiet night alone with it and you'll see what I mean. By the way, have a nice trip.

y-y-y-y-YIKES!

2009-12-30T23:28:00.000-08:00

http://sharebee.com/e33384a3

Click here for Ed Koch hairspray

There is definitely something about John Dwyer that rocks my socks off. Besides the sixteen hundred bands he's in, he's also in this one.

Go to all of his shows. Buy his vinyl too, because he always makes it in really pretty colors.

Please enjoy Yikes! Whoa comas or blood bomb.

I don't know a damned thing about sports.

2009-12-29T01:37:00.000-08:00

For a little while now, this blog has been my dumping ground for basically whatever I feel like dumping. I'm excited about it. I hope you are too. D2.

Instead of a Star Wars reference, please enjoy this video. It's an oldie, but somehow it has always retained its elegance. I'm debating as to whether or not I'm going to get up and fix myself a cocktail. Tonight's weapon of choice will be Gin and Ginger Ale. I cannot fail. Now press play and enjoy something for once in your goddamned life Cutie pie!!

Unintentional rapping not withstanding*

Detroit Cobras learned all of this... man!

2009-12-28T01:33:00.000-08:00

http://www.mediafire.com/?hijynazq2xy

Click here to imitate Yakov Smirnoff forever.

Sure, everyone knows how rad the Detroit Cobras are, but do you know how great the original tunes were? Probably not and now you will.

I would include a track list here, but this evening I am far too preoccupied to get into all that. However, my digital kinfolk, Dgrador had this a while back and he has the songs listed there. He's a good dude.

Hey, do you know who Yakov Smirnoff even is?

NSFW, but pretty cool.

2009-12-28T01:21:00.000-08:00

NSFW means "not safe for work" just in case you're like... new to the internet and if that's the case... well, welcome aboard!

I'm not sure what it is about the work of Laurent Jourquin that catches my eye, but I'm guessing that it has something to do with the fact that there is nudity involved or at the very least, cardboard. I love cardboard. That's right. Cardboard.

The times, they are a changin'

2009-12-27T01:27:00.000-08:00

http://sharebee.com/ce01305d

Click here for one ukulele tattoo

In 1964 Bob Dylan released this record. If you aren't a fan, then this album sounds like his 3000 other ones. If you are a fan... well, this album sounds just like his 3000 other ones. (Accurate)

That ain't a bad thing.

When I hear this record I imagine laying on the hood of a truck beneath a moonlit sky somewhere in the midwest. There would be an empty bottle of whiskey on the ground near the front tire. Don't feel sad because it's empty... I've got a flask.

The good things: Part 2

2009-12-27T01:15:00.000-08:00

If you know what this is and you saw it when it first came out... I'm certain that you felt pretty good on that very day. This happens to be my favorite fIREHOSE song as well.

Maniac Cop is serious business! But really he just wants to wish you a Merry Christmas.

2009-12-25T04:22:00.000-08:00

My first Christmas Card!

2009-12-23T10:24:00.001-08:00

Thanks Lisa! Tell the boys I hope they all get a little more than coal this year. Also, I have no phone right now. The devil ate it :(

*Update 12/26/09: Correction-my only Christmas card.

This is Sic.

2009-12-23T00:31:00.000-08:00

http://sharebee.com/6d2edd06

Click here for the sausage drink.

Thank God San Francisco exists because, like Memphis, I'd be fucked for awesome bands without it. Thank you Earth for not exploding.

... and this is yet another band Ty Segall is involved with. I barely have the drive to put mayo on a ham sandwich. Damn...

Compulsive Gamblers - Bluff City

2009-12-23T00:15:00.000-08:00

http://sharebee.com/c3a8ce84

Click here for KRS one hand soap

Well, would' ya look here... it's almost Christmas again. It's that special time of the year where all the little kids in the world are being extra good and practicin' their manners the best they can. It's a time where families come together... unless we're talking about my family. I haven't spoken to them in years. There are only a handful of us alive. It's alright though... we ain't got nothin' in common anyway.

Christmas is good. Don't forget that. I ain't forgettin' to be kind and giving to my digital kinfolk, that's for sure.

Please enjoy Bluff City because Greg Cartwright is a gift to music.

Pleasurable viewing.

2009-12-22T11:37:00.000-08:00

Mazzy Star - Flowers in December...

Bob Dylan - A man of constant sorrow...

Dan John Miller - Superstition (acoustic)....

Skeeter Davis - The end of the world...

All I want for Christmas...

2009-12-19T12:25:00.001-08:00

...is a thousand pairs of these. In all the colors of Roy G. Biv

More twee: The Postmarks

2009-12-19T02:24:00.000-08:00

http://sharebee.com/4ddea655

Click here for mandolin balm

Pompano Beach, Florida. Nothing comes from there. Nothing except The Postmarks and... this guy

Enjoy!

Recommended if you enjoy Camera Obscura and the lot.

The Ditty Bops.

2009-12-19T01:06:00.000-08:00

http://sharebee.com/1383cdcf

Click here for a free Taliban space hat

I came to know about this band one night when I went to see Blanche perform at Spaceland or one of those LA venues I barely ever make it to. Oddly enough, Blanche, who I think are one of the greatest bands alive, were the opening act. No complaints here. I got to see them early.

After a forty or so minute set, Blanche packed up their gear and cleared the stage for the Ditty Bops. Fifteen minutes later the band began making their way up to the stage and began setting up.

They were cool and their music had a real old timey feel. I ended up walking out with their album.

The weirdest thing about that night is pretty much as soon as Blanche packed the last of their things, the room emptied out substantially and suddenly, the room became predominantly filled with a lot of girls. A. lot. of. ladies.

No more than four other guys in the whole place.

Random fact: These two are married.

Young People

2009-12-19T00:47:00.000-08:00

http://sharebee.com/364e517b

Click here for washboard flabs

A while back I posted their second album, War Prayers, and today I'm offering their first. There isn't anything groundbreaking going on, but it's one of those records that I just have to hear every once in a while.

Katie Eastburn and the boys straddle the fence between avant garde noise and straight forward indie rock, but their shining moment on this self titled record is called "Ne'er do well" Trust me. It's oddly catchy.

Random fact: This bands drummer, Jeff Rosenberg, was in Pink and Brown with John Dwyer of Coachwhips/ Thee Oh Sees fame.

Evil. A study of bad men. #1.

2009-12-18T03:14:00.000-08:00

An impressive smell wafted through the room. It was a literature buff's wet dream . A small nation of bookshelves carefully crafted together before you or I were born. The old, important books and their leathered scent were the 300 pound gorilla in the room. It was his haven. The old man was like a timed geyser the way he headed into his office each evening, but to those outside its walls it was more like a library with its dark wood and dim lighting.

Outside of those walls, his life, a circus beneath the exaggerated glow of the ever present public with their peering eyes melting holes in his arrival. Fortunately, it didn't matter because he was the boss. His father, a 1930's businessman at the height of a new real estate boom, died young and left Mr. Charles Thorpe his life long earnings. It's rumored that Thorpe's winnings totaled up somewhere near the high millions. He had an empire. He was the type of man who would support a politician and in the same evening, take liberties with an easy woman he'd encountered at the seediest of dives where no respectable lowlife would lay his hat. An odd fellow to say the least, but Charlie, as they called him, was taught how to turn a dollar quite young. That's why it was so weird to see him being led away in cuffs.

Nobody would have ever thought that old Charlie would ever have committed murder. It wasn't just any murder. No, it was far more heinous than anything that you or I could come up with. There was so much blood it filled the cups in the cabinets. It wasn't just the endless amounts of blood that made the detectives sick, it was the smell wafting out of his hot warehouse office. It had the stench of old, rotting death. He spent a lot of time there. Alone. Reading.

The first girl he killed was named Sarah Cafferty. She was a student from Knoxville, Tennessee. She was in New York for a semester and ended up finding some work as a model. The police said that the skin of her chest was pulled off. Not in pieces, but like a sheet. As if that wasn't enough, she was found missing both hands and her tongue. That was twenty years ago...

Most recently the police found fourteen bodies buried alongside the building in various stages of decomposition.

... to be continued.

The Epsilons

2009-12-17T02:51:00.000-08:00

http://sharebee.com/3a9eef28

Click here or get the gas face

If Ty segall were a girl, he'd be the hottest new model to grace the magazine covers. Since this is rock n' roll... he just puts out a lot of real cool records and probably bangs models.

Dexter

2009-12-17T02:20:00.000-08:00

"Rita's dead??!!"

"Ay dios mio... tell me you're lying."

Familiarity: A little light shed.

2009-12-16T23:16:00.000-08:00

To the readers of this blog who stop by on a regular basis: Thanks. I could surely do this without you, but your presence makes it better, that's for sure.

I figured that I'd say something completely true every once in a while. Here's my first... or 300th depending how long you've been around.

My mother, Carmen, was a prostitute. Don't be sad. It's fine. She slept with many men as would her job have demanded... but, there was one gentleman, probably in the long line of many that she bedded, that would indicate she wasn't a total bottom feeder...

she slept with Robert Zimmerman a.k.a. Bob Dylan. Sure... a tall tale some might say, but rest assured... it is true. It isn't a badge by any means. It's just a nice thing to hear as opposed to hearing that your mom gave headies to truck drivers at Virginian rest stops. I say this because she wasn't just a one time thing. There is history there. Maybe it was just sex... who knows? I'll have to find a genie to wish for one opportunity to ask Dylan himself. That's all for now. Have a nice day and an even better evening.

On the tap, in the can, or from the bottle...

2009-12-16T12:44:00.000-08:00

Play this without smiling and I'll have no choice but to deem you an asshole. This is fun!

DrunknPuke

This is pretty.

2009-12-16T03:19:00.000-08:00

Violent Femmes.

2009-12-16T02:36:00.000-08:00

http://sharebee.com/dd2e789c

Click here to see the leering O'Doul

Here is another record that is crucial to any collection.

The only thing I think of when I hear this album is my old pal Benny. That guy would wake up at 6:00 AM, blast this record, and eat waffles while riding a skateboard through his house.

He is the exact opposite of another old pal of mine who hit his mother with a hammer. Trust when I say it wasn't just a light tapping.